Monday, October 14, 2013

365 Inspirations—287: A Bad Day

"In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity."—Albert Einstein

I never thought I'd put the word 'bad' in my 'inspirations' for this year. I was trying to see the silver lining in all things, but right now I'm having trouble seeing it. Perhaps there can be inspiration found in having a bad day.

Something was in the air as I drove to work. A dream I couldn't shake off all day. I just had images, but no full picture to work with. The sun was out, the sky was blue, the leaves were vivid shades of red, orange and yellow, but why did I feel so strange? I was not really here nor there. I felt like I was just going through the motions of what I normally do.

I enjoyed a nice lunch and a walk with my husband earlier in the afternoon. He commented on how the tree colors were much more vivid with his sunglasses on. I asked him if I could try his sunglasses out to see since I couldn't locate mine.

"Yes, the colors of the trees have much more depth with these on," I replied.

We enjoyed a pleasant walk along the Sound. We are housesitting in a lovely house here.

It seems rather ridiculous that there could be anything 'bad' about today. And perhaps bad isn't even the right word because I know there could be worse...much, much worse.

So my first class at the college went just fine, but my second class only had about 15 out of 30 students in it and two of my volunteers were gone. The students were tired and some complained of pain (I have a number of students on disability in my ESL class). The overall mood was kind of low, but I made the best of it and it turned out okay. With the smaller class size, I had a chance to actually talk to the students, not just TEACH them.

On the way home, a creeping feeling came back. It was the same strangeness I felt on my way to work. I walked in the door and said to my husband, who was sitting on the sofa in the other room, "Today was a strange day. Several of my students felt a lot of pain."

He said, "I feel pain too." We were not in the same room. I was putting things away in the kitchen and just sort of stopped what I was doing.

I went to the living room and sat in silence and he gave me the story. He has to move out of his yoga studio by Monday. The business he put all of his heart and soul into will no longer be, at least not where it is now. For almost four years, so many students have come to practice there. It's a beautiful studio with so much love, art from the students, peace. So many have contributed to this amazing space and it's not easy to let it go. I know many will be saddened by Yoon no longer being there. More than 1,000 students have walked through the doors of his beloved studio. It embodies his peaceful nature. He put everything into it.

But it was not enough. The rent and fees for running the space near Seattle were just too high. So he's going to move everything out on Saturday and move the business to our house.

I should feel compassion and love and offer sympathy and say, "Everything will be fine," but that's not what I offered this evening. I worried about having space. Space to write, space to be, my own space. I guess I worried what would happen to our lives by moving the business back home. There would be people coming in and out for classes in our tiny home. We have to clear out the furniture, keep the bathroom clean and the space spotless. What about our own private time together? Would it become non-existent?

But what are the alternatives?

I shared my feelings with my husband, but the timing was not right. He's still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he has to move out by Monday. It was too much for him to think about and now he's out somewhere roaming the streets.

I know there's a silver lining to every bad day. I know it.

I feel a lot of change is in the air. I feel up in the air. I don't know what direction I need to take on anything. I want to breakthrough this sort of inertia I've been feeling lately. I wrote this post because I have to be honest.

I don't think I know what to do anymore. Life is confusing and sometimes it feels like the same thing over and over again with different spices or scenarios to make it look different, but it's all really the same.

People have bad days, some have good. People have newborns and some people die. Some people get sick and some run marathons, some people break up and some come together. It's the ebb and flow of life. I'm hanging on though and fearing any change for some reason. But perhaps change is inevitable.

I know I will welcome it. It's the only way to grow.......

What do you do when you don't know what to do or are having a bad day?


13 comments:

  1. Thank you for your honesty. That in itself helps other people. I too have days like that when I know there really isn't anything to worry about, but I feel so low. I turn to my hobby which takes me out of the "now". Best wishes, remember, it won't last. xx

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    1. Thanks for your comment Julie, it means a lot to me!

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  2. I'm sorry things are so upsetting and confusing now. I have days and periods of time like this, too. I try to hold on, but I do tend to worry a lot. Lately, I'm trying to "listen" for the answers by being more quiet and contemplative.

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  3. I am sending loving hugs your way. I am sorry Yoon has to let go of his yoga studio. I am sure it is heart wrenching. Change is always hard, yet is seems to happen whether we want it or not. xoxo

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    1. Thanks Karen....I've learned a lot in the past 24 hours and your words encouraging!

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  4. Oh Katherine, I have been there. I so appreciate your willingness to be transparent and reach out. One thing I know that I know is this; tomorrow is a new day. I tell myself that often. Outloud. Ha!

    Thinking of you and Yoon this evening.

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    1. Yes, today is a new day and thank you for your words! I think you just gave me the idea for my next post!

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  5. Here on the East coast, it is already the new day whereas those of you out West are still asleep. I write from the new day to say, all will be ok and thank you for your honesty and all you do.

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    1. Thanks Blue, for taking the time to comment here!

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  6. Dear Katherine,
    Your honesty is refreshing and your dilemma universal. Change is challenging, it takes courage to realize something is not working and to take action. However, we always have choices. Clearly, moving the yoga studio to your home is not a feasible longterm option. Trust your intuition and respect your needs.

    As an aside, have you considered a Kickstarter campaign to raise funds to launch a new direction for the yoga business and your life? This is a great opportunity to change gears, fine-tune a business/life plan, and articulate what it is that is crucial to you separately and as a couple. Who knows perhaps a greater collaboration between your work/writing and Yoon will emerge? Also, consider a meditation retreat and a time of reflection before any major decisions are made. Having a Buddhist practice teaches one many things, not the least of which is patience.

    Thank you Katherine for your generosity of spirit. We all grow by your sharing.

    Keep writing!

    Christine

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    1. Hi Christine, Thanks for your very constructive comment full of so many ideas! Lots of what you mention here is already happening...it just hasn't fully come to fruition yet, but it is happening. Yoon and I are already collaborating on a very new direction and the next phase of our journey together. A Kickstarter campaign sounds great and we'll see if we can put one to use in the near future. I've learned to take things one day at a time. I'm heading off over Christmas to participate in a silent 10-day course. Going inward always helps me to expand outward. I appreciate you taking time to leave your comment here!

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  7. When I'm having a bad day, I always try to remember the things in my life that I am grateful for. It never fails, this always assists me in knowing that no matter how "bad" things may seem, there is still so much good around me. I must admit though, I've been feeling much like you as of late. I'm sorry about the yoga studio. Change is very scary, but try to have faith that everything will work out as it is meant to.

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