Week 15-Lesson 15: Let Go of Your Ego

If someone approaches you with boxing gloves, do you take the first punch? If not, do you put up a defense or duck to protect yourself from the blow heading right towards you? If the ego is attacked or threatened, it will always fight back. But you are not the ego, so why do you fight so hard to protect something which only exists in your mind.

Recently, I've felt a lot of challenges concerning the ego. What I've realized is this:

I'm not completely free from the ego because I still use words like "I," "mine," and "me."

But don't we all?

Today I decided to try and loosen my grip on those three little words that cause so many problems. Instead of saying, "I wrote a book about my life," I've decided to try "I wrote a book about a life." What a difference!

It started with a phone call from my editor. It was a good phone call full of great feedback and constructive criticism. Some of this criticism would have been hard to take had I not decided to drop the word "I."

But in the end, I suppose, it was a lost cause because I stood up for my voice. I wanted my voice, which I felt might have been lost a bit in the editing process, to be heard.

It's hard to tell our own stories and not be attached to the story we are telling, especially if it is the story of our lives. Even though I stood up for my voice, I'm learning to see the writing I am doing from different angles and different perspectives. I think this is important and I also think there is validity in much of the criticism we receive if we'd just LISTEN and get beyond this "I."

The irony of it all is that much of the story I am telling in my book is about learning to listen to the "voice" inside of you (and me) and to follow it. I think that this voice inside is very different from the ego. The voice inside knows much more than the ego we try so hard to protect and the images of ourselves that we create in our own minds and the minds of others.

The voice inside of you is very wise. It doesn't care about "how you look" to others. It is not interested in keeping up with appearances. In fact, when you choose to follow your inner voice or inner wisdom, you may feel like your outer world is falling apart. This is because your ego is fighting to survive. It doesn't feel comfortable with the changes going on inside you. It doesn't want to give up or lose its "shininess" or "good standing" on the outside.

But believe me, if you choose to follow that inner voice or inner wisdom and loosen up on the ego or the "I" a bit, you'll find that there's nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain.

Week 14-Lesson 14: You Can't Do Everything

It's Sunday. I have so much to do, I don't even know where to begin. It's 9:34pm and I think I'm about to call it quits in a half hour or so because, well, I can't do everything. This is the reality. I am not super human. I don't have 10 arms. As far as I know, there isn't a clone of me wandering around anywhere who could pick up some of the slack.

I received my copy edits back from my publisher. So much was changed and my editor needs my feedback so that they can get the ball rolling on my book. I worked on them a little, but not as much as hoped too. I'm teaching a new class at the college and it eats up a lot of my time and requires a bit more work. And then there's my lovely blog. Do you know what's funny? I think it was easier to keep up daily posts (I wrote 365 blog posts in 2010). With weekly posts, I tell myself, "I can do that later." Before I know it, later is here and the week is over. It's Sunday. There are no more days left. I didn't have that option when I was posting every day.

So here's my solution:

Do what you can and then give yourself a BREAK!

We are not machines. I need time for myself and I'm sure you do too, so take it easy. Lighten up. I'm writing this post for myself, but if you can also relate, then that's a bonus! It will all get done in due time and if it doesn't, maybe it wasn't that important anyway.

Enjoy your week! Even if you have a lot on your list, may you always find time to stop and nurture yourself. Off I go to read, drink a cup of tea, take a bath and then hit the sack. Until next week!!

Week Eight-Lesson Eight: Don't Be Afraid To Finish What You've Started

My book is due to the publisher March 1st and to be honest, I'm scared and dragging my feet.

I've never been good with endings. I'm fantastic with ideas and getting the ball rolling, I slog through the process of seeing the ideas become reality, but when I get to the end or close to the end, I feel like my legs (or my fingers in this case) are heavily leaded. Every step (press of a key) feels weighty. At the end of any BIG project or event, I often go into either panic mode or avoidance mode. Thoughts like, "I don't know if I can finish this" or "I don't know if I can do this" swirl through my mind. Is there a phobia for that? A fear of finishing things? Does anyone know what it's called?

This isn't a new phobia for me. I've written about it before. I wrote about how I trained for a half marathon after college for weeks and weeks and weeks. I was prepared for the task at hand, but once I got close to the finish line I practically had to crawl over it. But the phobia goes back as far as early childhood. I was at a lake swimming in the "kiddie" section. If you wanted to swim out with the big kids, you had to pass a swim test. You had to swim out to a dock and turn around and swim back to the starting dock. I would say that the distance between the two docks was about the length of an average-sized swimming pool. I watched my sister do this with poise and grace. She swam effortlessly through the sparkling lake without a trace of exhaustion, pulled herself up on the starting dock and said, "Your turn!"

I hesitantly got into the water. I started off great. Nice even pace, clean strokes--I touched the dock and then pushed off with my feet out into the open water again. I could see my father and sister sitting on the starting dock. My father yelled, "C'mon, you are almost there!" And then everything got blurry. About a meter from the starting dock, I began to sink. I stuck my hand up in the air and the lifeguard dove in to rescue me and bring me safely up on the dock. I was humiliated. I am the older sister. Why couldn't I finish this easy swimming test? I wrote about this in a previous post and my sister commented and let me know that I did that test again and passed with flying colors. I don't remember that part.

So here I am again, a week before the finish line and I'm starting to sink. Or maybe I'm just coasting. Not sure. I woke up late, had a nice meal with my husband, took a walk, goofed around on the internet, read a few books for "research" and now I'm writing to you all on my blog and it's 4:12pm. Where did my day go?

What I've come to realize is that dreams are never quite like reality. It doesn't mean you shouldn't dream. You must dream. Just don't get stuck in the dream. Put a foundation under that dream of yours, otherwise what's the point? Dreaming and coming up with ideas are the easy part. Seeing your dreams through to the very END is the hard part. Why? Because when you dream about becoming an author or an actor or a painter or a musician or starting a business or changing careers or having a baby or getting married, the pictures of what this life looks like in your mind's eye are, well, dream-like. You don't imagine the baby screaming non-stop or the hours of writing with no human contact or the money issues or the lack of work or the economy crashing. Everything in your dream is rosy and cheery and maybe even....perfect!

But nothing is perfect. No one's life is perfect. I'm not a perfect writer. But I continue because I set this dream into motion. I put the foundations down. I asked for it and I got it and now I have to FINISH IT! And to be truthful, it's not as easy as I thought it would be. But I accept the good with the difficult and hard and crazy and uneasy and painful and uncertain. That's part of the whole package. It wouldn't be worth it if all I had to do was wave my magic wand and, BEHOLD! the book appeared. What would be the point of that? What makes a dream worthwhile is not just having a dream become reality, but what one has to go through to realize it.

So here I am at the end. I'm in avoidance mode. I'm afraid to finish. Maybe I'm afraid it's not good enough. I need another tweek here and another tweek there before it's perfect. But it is what it is and to be honest, I think it's pretty darn good. So with that, I'm going to take the bull by its horns and I'm going to face all my fears and I'm going to finish this thing. Yes, that's what I'm going to do. March 1st, I hear you calling and I promise I will deliver...

Week Six-Lesson Six: Allow Yourself to Fully Procrastinate

Does procrastination=fear? I'm starting to think it must. Tell me what you think. For four days now I can't seem to do any work on my book. Yes, it is finished and that is SOMETHING. But there's editing to finish up, fine tuning to take care of and a deadline of MARCH 1ST to meet. Yikes!

I seem to be perfectly capable of doing everything BUT work on my book. I'm perfectly fine with house cleaning, shopping, visiting with friends, going to my day job, exercising, hiking, doodling, day dreaming, twittering, Facebooking, sleeping and eating.

What happened? Whenever I think of THE BOOK I want to run for the hills. Is this what happens to writers? It reminds me of the time I trained for a half-marathon. I was fine with all the "getting ready for the race" part, but fell apart right before the finish line and had to practically crawl over it.

Maybe I'm frozen with fear. Maybe it's a fear of what others will think of me when it finally hits the bookshelves. Or maybe it's the complete opposite.

Have I been celebrating too much and daydreaming of that day when it finally goes to print? Have I chosen to look at the bigger picture instead of focusing on what is happening right here, right now?

I have no idea. So what am I going to do?

I'm going to accept it. I've decided that I'm going to allow myself to FULLY PROCRASTINATE. I'll doodle and dilly dally until there's no more doodling and dilly dallying left in me.

Don't worry. I have a conscience and I'm not crazy. I will do what needs to be done. I'm just going to take my own sweet time and there's no fighting it. But I WILL keep my deadline because I always keep my promises and stick to my commitments, as you all know from reading my 365 blog posts for 2010.

So if you are procrastinating right now, don't berate yourself. It doesn't help the situation. Let yourself procrastinate FULLY. Enjoy it, accept it, live it, love it.

And then GET BACK TO WORK....

(I'm signing off now! Going to go have a nice hot cup of tea and bubble bath ^_^! he, he!)

NOTE: As long as you continue to move forward in a positive direction and do what needs to be done, nothing wrong with a little procrastination. However, if you are a chronic procrastinator and can't seem to do anything, there are plenty of resources online to help with that! Trust me, I procrastinated and read quite a bit of it ^_^!

365 Lesson-Lesson 364: Words Have Energy

Watch what words you put out there. Everything carries with it a vibration. Some words carry a very low vibration. Ever wonder why, in a yoga class, people chant "om?" This word has a very high-vibrational quality to it. Words like mother, mom, oma, and mama are similar. "Om" is thought of as the sound the universe makes or the "hum" of the universe.

Whatever you say comes back to you in the form of energy. Ever wonder why certain people get attracted to what you write? Those people are a reflection of you. They are the reflection of the energy you send out.

How do you want to be in this world? You get to decide. You make the choice. You are not your past. You don't have to remain stuck where you once were. You are here now. In every single moment, you decide how you want to be and what words you want to use. Every time you say or do something, it will be reflected back to you. If you are sending negativity and harsh words out into the world, this is what you'll get back.

Do you ever see yourself in your children--the words they say, the actions they do? Children are a GREAT mirror of yourself. Are you ever startled by what you see?

When you say or do something, do you have the best interest of yourself and others in mind? This doesn't mean that we cannot tell our stories or that there is no pain in life. Of course there are difficulties and pain or we wouldn't be here. I don't believe we are here to remain stuck forever in pain and misery. I believe we are here to work through it and to learn from it. Everyone has a story, but what is the reason to tell it? Sometimes, while I work on my book, I have to go through pain. I can't hide from it, it was there and I'm writing a memoir. But the point is not to bring everyone to pain with me. The point of my story is to take you on my journey through the pain and beyond it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't want to be the dark tunnel in this world. That is not how I choose to be. I want to be the light at the end of the tunnel. And that's why I'm writing my book, Lessons from the Monk I Married.

So, if you ever wonder, "Why me?" or "Why is my life so miserable?" Look to yourself for your answers. Nothing outside you can cause your misery. Nothing. You decide how you want to be in this world. You decide what words and what actions you are going to put out there. It starts with you. Right here, right now!

I believe we all have something positive to give. I choose to be light and I choose to love myself as I am. What do you choose to be in this world?

365 Lessons-Lesson 363: Love Is Still The Answer

If I were only allowed to leave you with four words, they'd be "love is the answer." What a cliché, right? But there's a reason it's been said so many times, IT IS TRUE!

This "love" word is so allusive, isn't it? Yet, it's so important. Without love, we cannot live. Love has to start from oneself. It is impossible to give love to others if you have no love for yourself. Everything originates from within and radiates out.

Remembering to love ourselves and be gentle and kind to ourselves "just the way we are" is not always easy to do. Everyone goes through periods of self-loathing in life. Restricting love from flowing to ourselves restricts love from flowing in the world. But how do you give love to yourself if you are not feeling it? This is a very hard question to answer.

One thing that helped me realize how important it is to love myself, was to see that I was also a human being in need of proper care. Sometimes people ask me, "Do you have any children?" Often, I am tempted to say, "Yes, me." I realized that I, just like a baby or any other being, need to be nurtured, cared for, fed, clothed, bathed, exercised, and LOVED!!! This being that I carry around needs to be taken care of just like our children and our family members. If we only love our family, but have little love for ourselves, we are doomed. Everything starts from this person we are with 24-7. This person is YOU. This person is ME.

I used to treat myself terribly when I was younger. I didn't eat properly, I drank too much, I stayed up until all hours of the night, I didn't know how to relax or rest the mind, I had a short temper and was easily angered. And then, on top of it all, I would berate myself for treating myself so poorly.

Eventually, my body and my mind had had enough. I couldn't bare the misery I felt, so I decided it was time for a change. I stopped drinking, started exercising, went to bed at a reasonable hour, took up yoga and meditation, and gave myself all the love and care that this "being" wanted so desperately. It didn't all happen at once, it took YEARS. But I made a decision that it was time to care about myself. That I was important. And, no matter how long it took, I would keep walking in the direction of loving myself.

And I kept walking and walking and walking...and I'm still walking. While I was walking on this path of "love" and "care" for myself, something amazing happened. I didn't feel so miserable anymore. I started to feel GOOD!! I had more energy, I felt healthy. My "being" was in good shape. People started to point out that I looked different. They asked me if I'd changed my hair style or gotten a facial. Nope. None of that.

While caring deeply for myself, I also noticed that I had more than enough energy for me. So, I started radiating all that I had in me outward. It wasn't something I decided to do, I just did it. It was natural, I felt it in me so I let it out. There was more than enough for me, so now I could share it. As soon as I started to radiate this love outward, love started coming back. I wasn't looking for anything. I wasn't searching for someone to love me. I LOVED ME. I gave myself the love I needed and that's how it happened. That's how love started flowing back. More love than I could ever imagine.

Some people might think that loving yourself is selfish. It is not selfish; it is essential for your survival. I'm not talking about inflation of the ego, I AM TALKING ABOUT LOVE. It starts with YOU. Once you decide to really love and care for yourself, then you will find that there is nothing more you need in life.

Love is still the answer. I am sure of this.

365 Lessons-Lesson 360: Make New Year's Resolutions You Can Keep

Every year, around this time, people start thinking about their New Year's Resolutions. But making resolutions is one thing and keeping them is another. If you don't really plan to keep your resolutions, then why even make them? You have good intentions, but do you really have the follow through? Are you really committed to what you set out to do, come rains, storms, hurricanes, ups and downs in life? The word resolve means to have firmness or fixedness of purpose; determination. Before you set out to make half-hearted resolutions, see if you can REALLY say that you are DETERMINED, come hell or high water, to see your resolutions through. Otherwise, forget it.

One reason many fail to keep their resolutions is because the purpose of what they want to do is not established. It's important to always keep the purpose of your resolutions in mind. This helps you keep your resolutions when times get tough or you feel like quitting. When I set out to write 365 lessons on my blog for 2010, my point was to write lessons I've learned on a daily basis and share these in the form of a blog so that not only I could benefit, but others could as well. By opening up the door to lessons I have learned and inviting you on my journey, it became a shared journey in which you also got to participate and share your own insights. This was so helpful to me to make this public. I was held accountable for sticking to my plan by doing so and when I felt like quitting, many of you encouraged me to stand up and keep going. Making your resolutions publicly known helps you to stay accountable for them. Also, having others as part of your resolutions, helps you to stick to your goals. Here are the resolutions I wrote on my blog last year for January 1, 2010 called Lesson 1: Be Disciplined:

As many of you know, I've been writing a book entitled Lessons from the Monk I Married. This has proved to be no easy feat, but I continue. My first resolution is to have it completed and published this year. My second resolution is to write on this blog 365 lessons I've learned. These lessons I've learned will be written here on a daily basis and I will finish this project on January 1, 2011. My other resolutions include sticking to my daily meditation practice and keeping up a regular yoga practice.

I'm happy to say that I kept all of those resolutions with the exception of getting my book completed and published this year. In retrospect, that was not a very achievable goal. It was more a wish. However, I did get closer to that goal. In 2010, I received agent representation for my book, Lessons from the Monk I Married, and my book was acquired by Seal Press/Perseus Books to be published throughout North America in spring 2012! My deadline for completely finishing the book is March 1, 2011. See what amazing things can happen if you really RESOLVE to stick to your resolutions through the thick and thin of it. Even if you don't achieve your goals, at least you get closer to realizing them by making this strong resolve in your life.

Clarity is also important in making resolutions you can keep. Having clarity of purpose and clearly stating what you want to accomplish helps you have focus. If your resolutions aren't focused and clear, they will be hard to achieve. They also need to be achievable within one year. Also, regularly reminding yourself of your resolutions or keeping them pinned on a bulletin board in your office helps you keep focus. Make sure the purpose of your resolutions are clearly stated there as well.

Finally, live from the answer. I wrote a blog post about this entitled Lesson 328: Live from the Answer. Live as if your resolutions have already happened. Since the past, present and future are all connected, in a way, they have. You really have to believe in what you are doing and, more importantly, who you are. If you don't believe in these things, then how can you expect to continue. If you make your intentions very clear, then every action should support your intentions. When your purpose is crystal clear, when it has become your mantra for life, then you will finally see that ANYTHING is not only possible, it's probable.

365 Lessons-Lesson 349: I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

Friends, family, fellow bloggers, the end is near. I am coming in on the home stretch. After today, only fifteen posts out of an entire year remain. And, to be honest, I have no idea if I have it in me to write fifteen more posts. But, I think I can get by with a little help from my friends. Yes, I think I'm going to try with a little help from my friends....

Don't miss the chance to be part of Lessons from the Monk I Married. There have been plenty of blog posts here, but I'd like to open the door to you all. I've written enough about myself and what is going on in my life. How about your life? As we close in on a 2010, it's a great time to reflect on what we have learned this year. I've been reflecting for 349 days and today's lesson is that I couldn't have gotten by without YOU!

All of your comments, guest posts, letters and words of encouragement were really instrumental in keeping me going. Without you all, I think this blog would have faded away at around Lesson 10!

So, I thought, why not open the door to my readers? Why not see if there is a lesson YOU have learned this year. A lesson that has helped you and could possibly help others. I'm looking for inspiration here. I've given everything I've got and I feel a drought coming on.

So, here's the BIG question. Looking back on this year that is almost over WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED? Is there anything that stands out. Is there anything you'd like to share as we move into 2011? You can share what you have learned in the form of a comment here on this post which I will add to a list and a separate blog post later or I invite you to write a lesson, if you so desire, and send it to me so that I may post it as a lesson on this blog. This is your chance!

I only have 15 more posts left, so I can't promise everyone will have a chance to post a lesson here. I don't know what the response will be by opening the door up to you? I don't know if there will be a windfall of lessons in my e-mail box or just a few, but I want to give you all the opportunity and I'm interested to hear from you. So, if you are interested in writing a lesson on my blog you can let me know at kathyjenkins@hotmail.com. Before you write the lesson, let me know what it is and that you are interested.

Thank you friends. I look forward to learning what lessons you've learned as I feel we can all learn from each other. Remember, you can also leave a comment about what you've learned this year in the comment section of this post if that is easier and I'll compile that all into a blog post. You may also want to scroll through the lessons I've already written. I cover almost every topic under our big bright sun, but everyone can add their own twist to a topic that was already written about.

Peace to all of you and I look forward to reading about what you have learned in 2010!

365 Lessons-Lesson 334: Forgive Yourself

I found this card on photobucket.com and I tried to make the picture smaller, but it just wants to be BIG, so I think I'm going to let it be. Here are the words that were written with the card. I absolutely needed to hear these words today:

Let go of struggle, anger, unforgiveness, or anything else undesirable. Trust that the Universe is on your side. Let go of an argument, judgments, or a long-term hurt • Have compassion for everyone involved in this situation, including yourself • Be gentle with yourself • Forgive yourself for what you think you've done or not done.

I'm not perfect. I make mistakes and I don't always do what's right. Am I the only one? I used to beat myself up over things I did wrong or mistakes I made, but you know, it's really not the way to go. I try my best in life, but not everyone is going to be happy with what I say or do. I can't please everyone.

When I make a mistake, I try to learn from it and move on. I also try to forgive myself. I think forgiving others for the mistakes they've made or the harm they've done to you is key. But forgiving yourself is even MORE important.

It's very hard to live if you are carrying this heavy burden of things you wish you'd never said or done. If you don't forgive yourself, you remain stuck with this load on your back and then you can never move forward.

I've been feeling very vulnerable lately. Maybe it's just a phase I am going through. I write a blog post every single day and quite a number of people read this blog. I know because I get the statistics. Sometimes that is scary. I write because I feel I have something to share with the world. I know not everyone will like what I write, but I've got to be me.

Sometimes I just want to pull the plug on my blog and go hide under a rock. Sometimes I think it would have been better to remain an anonymous person in this life--someone who could say things but not take any credit for what they say or do because they are "anonymous." Maybe I should have become a ghost writer or written under a pen name or something. But alas, I think it's too late.

I started this blog on January 8th 2009. It was so scary the day I posted my first blog post to the world. I felt so naked. I believe that post was about signs. I guess I had been getting a lot of signs and perhaps the reason I started this blog was from a sign I had received. I don't know if you believe in signs, but I follow them because I believe they come from my heart and it's very hard for me to NOT follow my heart.

But there's a price to pay for following your heart. There's a price to pay for deciding to open up and share yourself with the world. After all, if the world sees you make a mistake, it suddenly feels like the biggest blunder on earth. But if you make a mistake all alone, no one cares.

But I've decided, just now, that if what I write and do can make the world a better place, then I'm willing to put myself out there. It's been really hard writing my book because in the process of writing my story, I've revealed more of my life than most people would be comfortable with. And it wasn't all a bed of roses. "So why exactly are you writing this book, then?" you ask. Because I believe that through sharing my personal story, my trials and tribulations, my ups and downs and not-so-perfect days, months or even years, I can connect with you. Because you and I are not that different. We all make mistakes, we all struggle and we all have something to share with this world. Peace to you my friends...and much love.

365 Lessons-Lesson 312: If you want love in your life, love yourself first

Love yourself first. This may sound egotistical, but it's not. After all, we've been taught in society to love our neighbor, to love our children, to love our partner, to love God, to love all beings, but somehow this person that we feed, exercise and bathe everyday, this person that is YOU got left on the sidelines.

And if YOU can't love YOU, then how can you expect to love anyone else or expect others to love you. Whenever you expect anything from something outside, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

After all, what if your partner doesn't behave in the way you'd like him/her to behave? OR What if you can't find a perfect partner? OR What if your children don't behave in the way you'd like them to behave? OR What if your family doesn't behave in the way you'd like them to behave? OR What if your co-workers or friends don't behave in the way you'd like them to behave? OR What if government or the media doesn't behave in the way you'd like them to behave? OR What if you decide that even God hasn't behaved in a way you'd like him to behave, that some terrible situation has happened to you and you wonder why, if there is a God, this has happened....and this list could go on and on.....

Trying to rectify things on the outside is futile. You can NEVER change anyone outside you, but you can certainly change yourself. You can certainly LOVE yourself. It all starts with YOU.

People have probably told you this. You've probably heard that it's important to love yourself, but do you? Do you REALLY love yourself. Do you treat yourself like a God? Do you feed yourself properly, give yourself exercise and proper sleep, are you gentle with yourself or do you beat yourself up when things don't go smoothly? Do you believe you are a worthy person, worthy of love and all the best things this world has to offer? Do you care for yourself and tell yourself, "I love you, you are important in this world."

In my husband's yoga class he sometimes tells the students that its good to say, "I am awesome!" The students laugh when he says this. But some of them have decided that they like this. One time I asked a yoga student in class "How are you?" and she responded by saying, "I am awesome, Yoon taught me that!"

Many people like to use this word "sacrifice." They say, "I have to sacrifice myself for my job, my children, my husband or my God." But real sacrifice doesn't come like this. It comes when you sacrifice yourself for YOU. When you decide that you will do everything in your power to love and take care of yourself no matter what happens. When you decide that no matter what happens you are committed to you, then something quite amazing occurs.

When you develop love, peace and happiness within you, it extends outward. It expands from you to all things. You are filled with it. Nothing can take it away, it becomes part of who you are. People might not like it, they might not like what you have become out of fear. You have become so bright and shiny and they don't feel like that so they don't like it, but you keep shining because that's who you are. That's who you've become through taking care of YOU.

The amazing thing that occurs is that this love that comes from you is boundless. It knows no distinctions. It is not selfish or self-seeking. It encompasses all people and all things. You become content and fulfilled within yourself. You are satisfied and grateful for the moment, however it may unfold. With this love for yourself, you are boundless too. There is no limit to what you can do. When you love yourself AS YOU ARE first and take care of this human being that is YOU, the one you carry around day after day, then you will be complete and all the love in the universe will be yours.

365 Lessons-Lesson 310: Don't Get Entangled in Unnecessary Drama

I have been trying to reserve my energy for my book and other things which are loaded on my plate. But somehow I let drama, which has nothing to do with me, take center stage. I'm letting go of it now. What I've come to realize is that most negativity or hate directed at anyone often has very little to do with the person to whom this negativity is intended for and has everything to do with the person offering the negativity.

Negativity is a disease in my book. It is like a cancer. It can really pull a person down if one is not aware. And I've also come to realize that those who offer negativity are suffering tremendously. This helps me find compassion within for the person who wishes to lash out or attack. It is not easy to offer love to your attacker; it's one of the hardest things in the world to do, but I find that it makes such a difference in life.

If you accept negativity then you have become part of this chain. How does that help anyone? By offering negativity in return for what was offered to you, you are just adding more fuel to the fire. Pretty soon you'll have a bonfire or a forest fire which will destroy so much.

I've learned to look at negativity, which sometimes tries to creep into my world and destroy things, as Mara. In Buddhism, Mara is the demon who assaulted Buddha beneath the bodhi tree, using violence, sensory pleasure and mockery in an attempt to prevent the Buddha from attaining enlightenment.

When negativity or a setback or a problem enters my world I say, "Oh look! Mara has come to pay a visit!" I recognize it as all part of the same thing. It could come in the form of a craving or an aversion. It could come from a person or a situation, but it's all the same. It's all just drama.

By observing the drama, or Mara, I learn from the situation. I try to see if the negativity directed towards me is called for or not. I try not to engage, but this is still a challenge for me at times. The lucky thing is that I often recognize Mara when she comes. This has been such a powerful realization in my life. The ability to recognize the drama and not get entangled in it. And if I do start to get entangled, to recognize that I've let this happen to myself. I am responsible, no one else.

Getting entangled in unnecessary drama or negativity eats away so much precious time. Deciding that you are going to be angry at someone for an indefinite period time only means that you also will be rolling in anger for an indefinite period of time. So now two people are suffering. This is not very effective, is it?

It may take all that's in you to face the negativity and decide to dish out a bit of love for the person who is dishing out the opposite. Realize that no one can make you suffer except yourself. Also realize that when someone offers you negativity, most likely this person is suffering more than you can imagine. Gather up all your strength and offer love if you can. I know it's not easy, but it is so important.

365 Lessons-Lesson 278: No News Is Good News, Unless it's Funny News

My husband has a new habit of wandering up to the Taco Time up the road and picking up the paper in the morning. I know, let's save the trees. But he gets some contentment from it, so I'm going to let it fly.

I don't care for the newspaper. It's full of stories about people getting killed or stabbed or arrested or thrown in jail. The International Section will make you believe that our world is going to hell in a hand basket. Why do people read this stuff or watch it on TV? I don't have TV for that reason. So, I like to go straight for the comics these days. I don't think I could make it through life if weren't for some humor in my day. Forget the mayhem on the front page, the world's got enough of that, give me the Funny Section.

The September 28th Seattle Times ran the comic Between Friends that had me chuckling. It showed a picture of a woman who got sucked into her computer. She was on the screen looking out at the world from inside the computer. She said, "Is anyone out there?" And then a voice came from the computer that said, "No, we are all in here."

I can so relate. I needed that laugh.

I couldn't help but glance over my husband's shoulder as he read the headline in the paper today. It said, "Kimchi Shortage a National Crisis in South Korea," reported by John M. Glionna from the Los Angeles Times. Now I know if you are Korean and you are reading this, this is NOT funny. I lived in Korea for over 10 years. I know that everyone there eats, lives and breathes kimchi, but next to the other news in the paper about all hell breaking loose all over the globe, a kimchi shortage seemed to be digestible somehow (ha, ha). It went on to say that Korea was going ahead with a kimchi bailout plan.

Forget about "these tough economic times" in America, over in Korea there's NO KIMCHI! And as the paper states, "Depriving Koreans of their kimchi, many say, is like forcing Italians to forgo pasta or taking all the tea from China." Jin Hye Run, a 51-year-old housewife in Korea, put it more bluntly by saying, "We can't stand life without kimchi even for one day."

I love the fact that the paper included a little factoid section in the side bar called "kimchi bites." These are the facts:

1. South Koreans eat more than 2 million tons of the dish of fermented cabbage, radish and chili paste in total each year.

2. It is believed to ward off aging, reduce cholesterol and fight disease.

3. There is a museum dedicated to kimchi in Seoul. (I think I've been to it, believe it or not!)

4. Portions of it were blasted into space with the country's first astronaut in 2008.

After reading this article, my husband put down the paper and said to me, "Good thing I'm in Seattle right now. At least they've got kimchi here."

The odd thing is that the cabbage crops in Korea were destroyed by the rain. Here in Seattle, where we are famous for our rain (Seattlites don't tan, they rust!), cabbage seems to be growing just fine.

Anyway, I love kimchi and even though I got another chuckle out of that news today, I do hope the Koreans get their kimchi back, honestly.

So if you have any weird and wonderful news stories to share, send them my way. Because no news is good news unless it's weird or wonderful ^_^!

365 Lessons-Lesson 266: Walk through the Pounding Rain

When the rain comes (rain being a metaphor for anything difficult) the tendency is to run for cover. Why not walk through the pounding rain? Why not walk out in the midst of it all exposed? What could happen to you? Maybe something unpredictable is in your cards; a turn of the tables, so to speak.

This morning at around 9am, my husband was eager to go walking. I looked outside at the clouds of doom and raindrops already starting to fall and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball in my bedroom with warm, fuzzy socks on.

Instead, I threw my non-waterproof raincoat on (sin in Seattle) and headed out into the elements. In the car driving over the Ballard Bridge, the rain was coming down in sheets. This was not walking weather, yet we were on our way.

Once at the park, there was no turning back. We were hiking and that was it. The rain started to let up a little as we got to the beach. All the sudden, amongst the barnacles, broken clam shells, seaweed, and a mad circle of seagulls, I saw too little eyes peering up at me on the beach. I almost stepped on this tiny, little thing.


What was it? Could it be a baby Harbor seal? The mother had left it on the shore in search of food. The little guy looked scared. It made little squeaks at us. I knew not to touch it or move it. If the mother smells human hands on her baby, she will abandon it. I was worried, however, that the mother had forgotten where it was. It was so far up on the shore now.

A sudden break in the rain had revealed this angelic creature to my husband and me. I couldn't help but take it as a sign. Seals, as you may have read from earlier posts about my book writing adventure, have a important meaning to me.

I had to go out in the pouring rain to find this jewel. My jeans were now thoroughly soaked, but we kept walking. We were committed to the walk and no sleet, hail, lightening, thunder, or hurricane was going to stop us.

Lately, I've been a bit saddened. I haven't heard from several blogging friends who used to comment regularly on this blog. Where did they go? Are people still reading it or am I writing it just for me. Should I stop writing it? Should I put it aside? Do I have anything more to say? All these thoughts go through my head and then I remember one very important thing.

I've committed myself to this walk. Let the rains come, I'll continue on. When things get difficult or boring or monotonous or I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and I'd rather turn back, go inside and hide under the covers, that's the time to continue I've learned.

The seal was a hidden jewel in the rain today. Something I wouldn't have seen if I decided to stay indoors. When we least expect it we will find that everything we were hoping for is already there, waiting for us in the pouring rain.

365 Lessons-Lesson 239: Escape to Nature

My husband closed down his yoga school for three days and we ran away! We went to Dungeness Spit in Sequim, WA. It's a long sand bar that stretches 5 miles out. The round trip hike is 10 miles. We had an amazing time and saw WHALES blowing. My husband saw a whale tail up close, but we weren't able to get it on my video. We just got them blowing in the distance.

Nature is so strong here. I won't be able to write much tonight because I want to feel it. I'll leave you with a video of the afternoon and pictures.
Here are some picture of us on the beach:



Nature is so powerful. It can change all the molecules in your body when you are in it and make you feel part of it. I am enjoying the silence, waves, my husband and life in general. Have you had a chance to be with nature lately? Good night, off to look at the full moon and hear some crickets maybe!

365 Lessons-Lessons 205: Free Your Inner Child

"Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them."—Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince, 1943 
 

Another post from my 365 Lessons from 2010. I like this one very much. Here it is:

Floating, swimming, frolicking in the woods, eating cupcakes with stars on them, swinging on the swings even though there are only children on the swings with their mothers or fathers pushing them. What made us become serious adults who say, "Oh, I'm too old for that." Is there an age limit to floating, swimming, frolicking in the woods, eating cupcakes or swinging on swings? When given the chance, I don't hesitate to do any of these.

When you let your inner child out, the one inside you that liked to play and was always game for anything new, you free yourself. The picture of me on the swings was at my best friend's twins second birthday. All the kids were running all over the place with cake smeared across their faces. They climbed ladders, slid down slides, played in the sand box, walked over the rope bridge, but not me. I made a bee line for the swings.

I have so many memories of being on swings when I was young. I remember moving my legs forward and back, forward and back to try and get as high as possible. Sometimes I got so high that the poles supporting the swing seemed to come out of the ground. A rush of fear would spread throughout my body for an instant as I thought, "What if I break the swing?" and then I'd let go and close my eyes, let the swing rock me back and forth and feel the wind blow my hair back and touch my cheeks and nose. There's something soothing about the rocking motion of a swing. I'm sure it comes from the time when I was a baby and was soothed in this fashion by my parents. Once the swing would start to slow down, I'd jump out onto the sawdust.

Yesterday, when I arrived at my parent's lake house in Washington, I didn't hesitate to go for a swim. I didn't care if the water was warm or cold. I was going in. I don't think my family believed me and followed me down to the dock. I walked down the ladder and found the water to be surprisingly warm. Once in the water, I tread water and blew bubbles with my lips just like when I was a kid.


I also ventured off on my own around the lake. I walked slowly looking at all the houses and trees along the way. I heard young girls scream on a inner tube out on the lake. I caught a glimpse of them high up on the road through the trees. Their laughter was contagious and I couldn't help but laugh myself at the good time they seemed to be having. While walking I felt so happy and free I decided to take my self portrait. I wanted to remember my feeling.



Today my sister and her kids arrived for my father's birthday party. I was sorry I couldn't stay longer, but I needed to make it back to Seattle. They made chocolate cupcakes with different sprinkles on them. My dad got the one with dinosaurs because, well, I guess he's getting up there in age, but he is still young at heart. He was very pleased, however, that his cupcake only had one candle. He said, "Wow, look, I'm one!" and then blew it out.


My cupcake had stars on it. I licked the frosting and ate the whole thing in about four bites. After our cupcake eating session, I sat for a little while longer with my sister and family outside on the deck and we told stories about when we were young. We have so many.

It's always great to reminisce, but instead of just remembering all the fun times I had when I was a kid, I try to keep that part of me alive. I want to keep the flame burning. There's an innocence to the way children are. Often times I feel it's a shame that the child in us gets bottled up once we become adults. There's a tendency to become reserved and fearful of doing anything that might embarrass us. When I let my inner child out, I find my spark for life. It keeps things exciting, spontaneous and fun!

Do you let your inner child out to play? When was the last time you did something spontaneous and fun?