365 Lessons-Lesson 310: Don't Get Entangled in Unnecessary Drama

I have been trying to reserve my energy for my book and other things which are loaded on my plate. But somehow I let drama, which has nothing to do with me, take center stage. I'm letting go of it now. What I've come to realize is that most negativity or hate directed at anyone often has very little to do with the person to whom this negativity is intended for and has everything to do with the person offering the negativity.

Negativity is a disease in my book. It is like a cancer. It can really pull a person down if one is not aware. And I've also come to realize that those who offer negativity are suffering tremendously. This helps me find compassion within for the person who wishes to lash out or attack. It is not easy to offer love to your attacker; it's one of the hardest things in the world to do, but I find that it makes such a difference in life.

If you accept negativity then you have become part of this chain. How does that help anyone? By offering negativity in return for what was offered to you, you are just adding more fuel to the fire. Pretty soon you'll have a bonfire or a forest fire which will destroy so much.

I've learned to look at negativity, which sometimes tries to creep into my world and destroy things, as Mara. In Buddhism, Mara is the demon who assaulted Buddha beneath the bodhi tree, using violence, sensory pleasure and mockery in an attempt to prevent the Buddha from attaining enlightenment.

When negativity or a setback or a problem enters my world I say, "Oh look! Mara has come to pay a visit!" I recognize it as all part of the same thing. It could come in the form of a craving or an aversion. It could come from a person or a situation, but it's all the same. It's all just drama.

By observing the drama, or Mara, I learn from the situation. I try to see if the negativity directed towards me is called for or not. I try not to engage, but this is still a challenge for me at times. The lucky thing is that I often recognize Mara when she comes. This has been such a powerful realization in my life. The ability to recognize the drama and not get entangled in it. And if I do start to get entangled, to recognize that I've let this happen to myself. I am responsible, no one else.

Getting entangled in unnecessary drama or negativity eats away so much precious time. Deciding that you are going to be angry at someone for an indefinite period time only means that you also will be rolling in anger for an indefinite period of time. So now two people are suffering. This is not very effective, is it?

It may take all that's in you to face the negativity and decide to dish out a bit of love for the person who is dishing out the opposite. Realize that no one can make you suffer except yourself. Also realize that when someone offers you negativity, most likely this person is suffering more than you can imagine. Gather up all your strength and offer love if you can. I know it's not easy, but it is so important.