Yesterday afternoon, Yoon and I planned to go out for an early dinner, but realized there wasn't enough time to make it before his yoga class. I ended up doing a U-turn and dropping him off at the yoga studio.
I didn't go home. For some reason my car headed in the direction of the beach. It was out of my control.
The morning started out with rain and the afternoon ended with high winds and bright sun. Washington State is a moody one. It changes its mind every hour or so. Lately I've been like that too.
I feel I'm in a kind of limbo. Can't really explain. Sometimes I feel I want to get in my car and drive to Arizona—to the red rocks and blue sky—and just write for three months.
Writing has been calling my name, but teaching has taken over my life. I love teaching and meeting with my students, but this distinct voice is calling me to retreat and write again and it's getting harder to ignore it.
I parked my car by the woods and walked on the mossy South Rim trail through the trees. I didn't have proper shoes for walking nor did I have the right jacket. The wind whipped at my face and neck. I felt a chill through my whole body.
The trail opened up to Puget Sound—a raging white-capped sea. The sun was high and there were a few white clouds, but the sky in the distance looked black and ominous.
I sat on a log in the sand and watched a father and daughter laugh together as their octopus kite soared and dipped, riding the wild currents of the wind.
The young girl shouted, "Oh no!" each time the kite took a nose dive, coming close to taking out a few beach strollers and she giggled with glee when she was able to keep the kite up for extended periods.
"Good job! That's it!," her father encouraged.
I sat there staring at the silhouettes of these two, as the sun began to set behind them. Their laughter was carried off with the wind.
I didn't know what to do. All I could do was sit and watch and when my hands finally became numb, I turned and headed for my car and drove home.
Do you ever feel called to make a change or do something new? Do you act on it, or do you just continue on like before?
With questions like this, I like to ask "what resources do have that are available to you to help?"..... I hope it opens new possibilities in your mind. Blessings,
ReplyDeleteYes, often the answer is closer than we think it is and there are so many resources we haven't yet tapped into.
DeleteGood post! Last spring my hours at the hospital were cut drastically and I found myself suddenly with a lot more time on my hands. I decided it was a gift and I wanted to be sure I used it well. So I made a rule to try to do something new each week. I would look in the papers for a workshop or event going on and try to do something. One place I ended up going to quite often is a nature center nearby. I attended a butterfly walk, Tree ID walk, astrology class and other things.
ReplyDeleteThis led me to take a Tree Steward training at the Dept. of Forestry. I went to my first class last week--13 more classes to go! It is such fun and so rewarding to learn more about trees.
That is such a great way to use the time and what a gift to have it! Sounds like you are doing lots of new and interesting things!
DeleteYes, I, too, feel called to write more. That's the main reason that I cut back on my work hours as a reporter.
ReplyDeleteIs there a way that your schedule can be tweaked that you can get more writing in? Are there changes that you can make in the next few months that might give you a sense of relief now?
I know how hard it is to sense the need for change and not know what to do.
Thanks Tina. Yes, I'm very lucky because I can actually decide how much I'd like to work during any given quarter. I'm working full time in the spring, but am contemplating taking summer off or working minimal hours. I only have about a month left of this quarter and I plan to use the free time I have for resting, exercising and writing! I know it will all work out, but I was having one of those days of wondering and questioning. ^_^!
DeleteOh, so often do I feel the need for change! I am an artist with a restless soul. Like you, taking a spontaneous drive to the woods or mountains or hiking down to the river, somewhere peaceful to think and to write. That's a quick fix to what tugs at me. I'm fortunate to be able to venture off on "one of my trips" whenever I feel wanderlust setting in. My cure all is a road trip to New Mexico, the high forested mountains of Colorado or roughing it in a one room cabin with no electricity or running water. Whenever I run away, I learn something new about myself and it offers new inspiration for art and writing and interesting subjects for my blog posts!
ReplyDeleteKatherine, I think you need a Sonoran desert escape, to feel the energy of the saguaros, the sun and all the critters that reside in that magical land!
The impulse to retreat is sometimes powerful just before Spring. Imbolc, February 2, literally means in the belly. Then, there is the Lenten season beginning mid- to late-February. It is possible that what you are feeling is the tide of a greater force, and that succumbing might be just the thing.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you need a joy ride through the desert.
this really spoke to me, particularly with issues i'm currently struggling with.
ReplyDeletewhat an interesting blog you have - thank for visiting mine and i look forward to following here.