Friday, January 20, 2012

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 20: Breakups Provide an Opportunity for Spiritual Growth

Alice Grist, a modern-day spiritual writer in the UK, is here to talk about the blessings of breakups and how they are important for our own growth. Please leave a comment here for a chance to win a free copy of her most recent book, The High Heeled Guide to Spiritual Living.

Relationships are a minefield of potential open and closed doors. Yet within this minefield there is massive room for learning. Heartache goes hand in hand with the evolution of you as a spiritually enlightened being. So whilst rejection or love-life confusion may sting like hell, in the long term it can be spiritually very good for you.

I feel your pain, honestly I do. How can rejection by the love of your life ever, ever be meaningful? How can that passing fling have been so ‘passing’ instead of the permanent love nest you hoped it would transform into? Why did that gorgeous fellow sweet talk you into bed with magnificent promises only to go cold and factual the following week? Whilst I cannot answer on behalf of these errant ex-partners I can say that the answer does not lie with them.

Before I met my husband I have been known to rant and rave into the ear of a willing girlfriend, for months, or years, about some poor chap who had the gall to reject me, not return a phone call or blatantly dump me. In true female form I would of course blame myself, then him, then myself again. He would be a bastard and I was the innocent love fool. It is hilarious really. What I did not recognize was that the guy does not hold the answers. Not the answers I really needed anyway.

Spiritual lessons come through people, all people, even the really nasty ones. Just because a love affair was ‘not meant to be’ does not mean it was not meant to be whilst it lasted. We attract people to us to help us to grow and learn. So if a relationship did not work out how you expected it to, then instead of wondering what the other person is thinking, try to see what it means for you. Think of yourself and what you can garner from the remnants of that love. Consider what you have learned about your self, about your behavior, about ways of being that you might want to avoid in the future. Indeed consider the good and the bad and be sure to take this on-board for your future love growth.

I believe that some of our more dramatic relationship disasters were planned before coming into this life. They are fantastic ways to promote your growth as a soul. You may have asked a fellow friendly soul to be born as a guy or gal you were going to hook up with, and you may have planned that he or she dumps you out of the blue, or kisses your best friend. The reasons for this may be multiple.

Perhaps you rejected that soul in a previous life and to amend your karma you are asked for the situation to be reversed. Maybe you just needed to feel real heartbreak. Or perhaps you just wanted to fall deeply in love briefly, and then move on to something more significant, perhaps your purpose in this life is to do something else entirely. Maybe that soul will inspire you to great things. Maybe your ex is simply a stepping-stone on your way to a more suited lover in your future. Heartbreak at any age does not mean a lifetime of singledom. It might mean a wiser choice at an older age and a better understanding of who and what you can tolerate in a relationship scenario.

I believe that the more we feel during a lifetime, and the better we react to our own emotions the more progressed as souls we become. So whilst the broken heart may make little sense right now, it is likely that you are stronger as a human as a result and in turn will be a tougher, more knowledgeable soul. The possibilities are huge, and exciting, and every horrid little incident has something to be gleaned from it.

Relationships of all kinds mess you up—on one level. On another level they are an opening into a better understanding of yourself and other people. It depends how you take your medicine. Taking a positive attitude toward relationship disasters enables us to move on and learn the spiritual lessons that all relationships have for us. All human beings are messengers, whatever clothing and guise they come to us in, be it saint or sinner. All people, without exception, carry important life lessons for us. Yes it is difficult to comprehend those life lessons when all you can think about is how much you miss snuggling into a certain person’s neck, or how cute the little wrinkles around their eyes were when they smiled. Facts are facts, if a door has closed, do not stand staring at it for the rest of your life; think about why it closed, what have you learned about yourself and about relationships? What about this situation can make you a better human being and a more successful and well-rounded soul?

If you can, then I recommend that you project unconditional love to the person who hurt you and then walk away, physically, emotionally and mentally. A break up should not mean the end of loving their soul, even if you never want to see them again, so do them and yourself a favor and send a little loving sugar over the energy vibrations to them. It will do no harm. After that you may want to project a little sugar onto yourself. Work at getting happy again and finding a way to assimilate this loss into your lifelong spiritual learning.

Human life was never supposed to be easy, we are here to learn. One huge and fast way to learn about pain and emotion is through our relationship heartaches. Love is a rip-roaring, soul wrenching occurrence that when handled correctly can fast track and deepen your spiritual wisdom.

Alice Grist is the author of two books. The High Heeled Guide to Enlightenment, her first book , charts Alice's journey from party girl to sassy spiritual woman. Alice's second book is Prediction Magazine Award Nominated, The High Heeled Guide to Spiritual Living (July 2011). THHGTSL is a guide to living spiritually through the ups and downs of modern existence. Both books are published by O-Books / Soul Rocks and have attracted much reader and reviewer acclaim. Alice Grist is the Publisher of new John Hunt Publishing Imprint - Soul Rocks Books. Soul Rocks publishes soulful and spiritual books with sass and edge. Alice is the founder and managing editor of, an online network and magazine for soulful and spiritual living. On Soul-Cafe, Alice regularly interviews and features the spiritual advice and writings of experts and authors. Soul-Cafe provides a safe, happy space for all spiritual seekers. Alice is a frequent contributor to many magazines and online lifestyle sites, often writing about spirituality in her own quirky, accessible and fierce style. She writes a regular column - Alice's World of Woo for Haunted Magazine. She is a frequent guest on many TV and radio shows. Alice can also be found on You Tube posting under Alicebiddie.

Website:, Twitter: @AliceGrist, Facebook Page: Alice Grist Soul-cafe, Social Network:


  1. Great post, and bang on target. Particularly loved the final paragraph:

    "Human life was never supposed to be easy, we are here to learn. One huge and fast way to learn about pain and emotion is through our relationship heartaches. Love is a rip-roaring, soul wrenching occurrence that when handled correctly can fast track and deepen your spiritual wisdom."

  2. I agree with Joanna...there are so many great quotes here....lots of wisdom we all can use, whether love/relationship is something we are struggling with or not! Thanks for your post Alice!

  3. Thanks for reading and glad it rang true for you Joanna. Appreciate your comment! Alice x

  4. Fascinating perspective! I really appreciated your honesty and openness and I know I will most definitely benefit from your ideas. Thank you!