365 Inspirations—363: Everything Changes

"When you are observing the truth, it is bound to change. It keeps constantly changing, and yet you are aware of it. This is Vipassana."—SN Goenka

It's DAY FOUR of the course. It's Vipassana Day! For three days I've been focusing on the awareness of my breath—for three whole days! But now I will start Vipassana. I will start to move my attention from head to toe and observe my natural sensations. This post is a repost AND it has been prescheduled, but I think it applies to what I will be experiencing today. Change will be in the forecast for sure! 

I feel I'm in a groove now. That doesn't mean it's easy, this observing the self. It's not easy to keep my attention inward on my breath and sensations at all times. The mind still wants to take over. The mind wants to pull me in this direction or that direction. What a monkey mind we carry. It keeps jumping from this branch to that branch. It never settles down. We keep filling it up. If we are bored, we find something to entertain it with.

But I'm in a groove now. I see what is happening. I am witnessing it. That's it. I'm watching. As I simply watch, or simply observe, I see that everything changes. Every moment changes.

There is nothing we can hold on to in this big, wide world....NOTHING. Instead of that being a scary thing, it is actually very freeing. There is a deep peace that comes from this.

Are you scared of change?

365 Inspirations—334: Big Shifts

"You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don't have something better.”—C. JoyBell C. 

Things are shifting right under my feet. I can feel them. These are good things.

They may not feel like that in the process, but ultimately I know that these shifts I'm feeling are going to lead to higher ground.

I just need to let go and trust in this.

I didn't do anything I was supposed to do today. I didn't check the enormous pile of tests sitting in my office. The ones I need to finish before my classes on Monday evening.

Nope, didn't do it.

I was feeling too much in another area of my life.

I know I must follow my intuition. It's calling and pulling me in another direction, but I'm afraid.

Afraid of letting go. Afraid I don't have enough to support me in the direction I want to move in. I want to write. I'm ready to write my next book, but I need to work to support myself. This work often gets in the way of really diving in and WRITING.

Over the holiday break, this is what I plan to do. I plan to WRITE.

Besides that, I'm being called to lead more yoga/writing retreats with my husband both nationally and internationally. I know this.

But how do I move over this hurdle of simply getting by in order to live the life I'm meant to live. How do I jump over it.

Ideas? Suggestions?

To be truthful, I'm not financially prepared to give up my job. I need my day job at the moment and I actually enjoy my students.

This shift, I feel, is coming. It's coming whether I like it or not.

When it comes, I will make the shift. I will move in the direction I'm meant to move in.

The funny thing is, I know what that direction is.

Have you felt any big shifts lately? Are you ready to make a move?

365 Inspirations—308: Sky in NOT the Limit

"Don't limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve."—Mary Kay Ash

I wrote this post as part of my 365 Lessons in 2010. I think I need this post today. Today I came home from work feeling like I need a major change. I feel stuck and feel like there's no way out. I can't really explain. I want to do something new with my life. I want to explore a new career, but it just seems too difficult. I had a bad case of "I can't do anything." I decided to go back to Lesson 308 from 2010 since today will be my 308th Inspiration for today. I was surprised to find that I wrote a post called Sky is NOT the limit. This post gave me new hope and oddly these were my own words on this exact day in November 2010. Here it is:

Sky is not the limit to what you can do in this life. Humans use so little of their potential. BUT WE ALL HAVE SO MUCH. People have probably told you that before and perhaps you've looked at them through slanted eyes and thought, "Yeah, right.." Well, you get to decide in this life. You make the decisions. If you decide that there is a limit to what you can do and you are o.k. with that, then carry on. But I'm here to tell you that there really is NO LIMIT.

You've heard the expression "seeing is believing" but I think it should be "believing is seeing." What you believe is what ends up becoming your world. If you believe that you are worthless, then you probably are. If you believe you'll be late to work, it will rain and you'll have a bad day, then you probably will. I've been accused of being too positive, but I can't help it anymore. It's become my life. I'm not exaggerating. I chose it. I couldn't write everything here on this blog if it weren't part of my reality. The thing is, this positivity isn't limited to a select few. It's available to anyone, but you have to choose it. You have to want to bring positivity into your life and believe that you have no limit if it is really going to happen. Sound idealistic? I don't think so anymore, but I know there was a time when I scoffed at at this idea.

My life used to be wrought with so much negativity. It used to seep from my pores. I'm sure anyone who came in contact with me wanted to run. I chose darkness over light. I was comfortable with my negativity. It had become my comfort zone. Plus, people were used to me being like this. What if I were suddenly positive. Then I'd lose my cover.

But I got tired of living in the dark. I really just couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something, so I traveled and I started searching for something, anything that could help me find light. The good thing about being in other countries was that no one knew who I was. I was anonymous so I could blow my negative cover and become anyone I wanted to be. I was no longer restricted to how friends and family viewed me. I wasn't trying to conform anymore to others idea of me. I was free, completely free. But I don't think you have to leave the country to find out who you are or to decide to change your view of life. You just have to have the courage to go within and be with yourself and insist on who you want to be even if it doesn't fit with the idea of who you once were or who people have believed you to be. It takes a lot of courage to abandon all that is on the outside in order to go in and find out who you really are.

To be honest, traveling and meditation really helped me there. I was able to see that there really is no limit. That I get to choose my life everyday.

Today I chose to go to Discovery Park this morning with my husband. It's an amazingly beautiful day in Seattle. The skies are blue and its in the upper 60s. This is so rare for a November in Washington. We walked slowly along the beach around the light house. Rocks covered in seaweed stuck out of the sand. Waves lapped against the shore. A man walking the other direction said, "Isn't it the most beautiful day?" I responded by saying, "It sure is!"

Further down on the beach I looked up and saw a rainbow in the sky. I don't think I've ever seen a rainbow on a perfectly clear day, but anything is possible (see photo above). My husband decided to take my photo. Here's a picture we took today. Behind me are the Olympic mountains and Puget Sound.

Walking in nature really helps me see the expansiveness of the world. Nature is a perfect example of limitless possibilities. Like dozens of seagulls soaring in the sky.

Did you ever make a career change later in life? Do you believe that there is a limit to what you can do?

365 Inspirations—303: Ginormous Plants in my Living Room

“We are made for loving. If we don’t love, we will be like plants without water.”—
Desmond Tutu

My husband was given the gift of plants on more than one occasion for his yoga studio. That studio is gone, but the plants live on. And let me just tell you about these plants....

They started off as little itty bitty things and, after all the inhaling and exhaling his yoga students did over the years, those plants are now GINORMOUS. Believe me when I tell you that often after a vigorous yoga class at the studio, the windows were so steamed up from all of our huffing and puffing that the atmosphere was akin to the Amazon rainforest—perfect for plants!

These are the kind of plants that might just eat you in your sleep—The Little Shop of Horrors variety.

And I love them.

All the good energy that was in my husband's studio is now shifting to our house.

I love all the green. It's like we have several new family members. He had these plants outside, but he doesn't want them to die, so they are inside now. They are temporarily in our living room, but we may move some to the bedroom. We are still sorting it out.

I will say that I love the feeling of these plants and all the green. It makes it so homey and they make me happy.

We had tiny succulent plants throughout the house, but have never had bigger plants.

Do you have many inside plants? What types of plants do you have?

365 Inspirations—290: Time for a Change

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."—Barack Obama

Change, as you all know, is in the air these days. The leaves are changing color, my husband's business location is changing, we are heading out on several yoga retreats soon, I have a couple books on some burners AND I'm feeling the need to tune in.

Maybe the season does that to me. I feel the need to meditate, but also exercise, practice yoga, feel my heart pumping and my muscles flexing, feel the cool air on a brisk walk, eat well and live consciously.

It's all about paying attention really. It's about waking up.

I'm ready to head off on a writing retreat and I sort of feel like joining a gym. I practice yoga regularly, but I feel I'd like a bit more cardiovascular activity, so I'm thinking of going back to the gym near my house where I once was a member.

It's time for a change.

Time to be fully the person I want to be while I'm still here.

Do you feel it's time for a change? What would you like to change about your life?

365 Inspirations—288: My How Things Can Change in 24 Hours.....

"What I've come to realize is that change is much like a muscle being stretched. However far something contracts, that much it will expand."—Katherine Jenkins

Yesterday, my husband was wandering the streets trying to wrap his head around the fact that he might have to close up shop on Monday and today we have a business advisor, a lawyer and a real estate agent—all people we know who want to help—standing by our sides with LOTS of advice, information and ideas! It's amazing what people can do when we all collaborate!

He's still going to close up his yoga business at his current location, but it might not be as soon as we thought. I no longer see this as a 'bad' thing or a crisis because I'm suddenly looking beyond the wall that blocked me from seeing anything yesterday but doom.

What I've come to realize is that change is much like a muscle being stretched. However far something contracts, that much it will expand.

The contracting part is not fun. It feels like you are in a pressure cooker and the heat is ON!

But how boring life would be if we all knew what would happen every single day and if life was just a cookie-cutter version of the day before.

I say, "Bring on the challenges!"

Last November, when the rain was getting to me in Seattle, I spontaneously applied to be an artist-in-residence at Kalani, the largest yoga retreat center in all of the Hawaiian Islands. I had a phone interview and I got the residency! Not only that, but they asked me to come for 10-days during the Hawaii Yoga Festival, with 30 other participating teachers.

I let them know all about my husband. I told them he was a former monk and now he is a yoga teacher in the Seattle area and they are going to feature him too. He'll teach yoga and be part of an evening lecture series.

So last November, I was in the rain applying for a writing residency and this November we'll be in Hawaii at the Hawaii Yoga Festival as featured presenters. I will be teaching a two-part class called First Thoughts: Intuitive Writing for Greater Clarity and Purpose.

This is where I see the expansion happening. I see a lot of sharing and collaborating. I see that we will meet lots of people, like we already have. I now realize that where we are headed is no longer limited to ONE location.

I will be unveiling lots of new things in the coming year and as much as the process of growth can be painful, messy, and chaotic, there's a purpose for it.

This is my realization for this evening at midnight.

Stay tuned for what's next and thanks for being here friends. I appreciate each and every one of you!

Have you ever noticed that when things feel unbearable, life shows you another side you've never seen before?

365 Inspirations—287: A Bad Day

"In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity."—Albert Einstein

I never thought I'd put the word 'bad' in my 'inspirations' for this year. I was trying to see the silver lining in all things, but right now I'm having trouble seeing it. Perhaps there can be inspiration found in having a bad day.

Something was in the air as I drove to work. A dream I couldn't shake off all day. I just had images, but no full picture to work with. The sun was out, the sky was blue, the leaves were vivid shades of red, orange and yellow, but why did I feel so strange? I was not really here nor there. I felt like I was just going through the motions of what I normally do.

I enjoyed a nice lunch and a walk with my husband earlier in the afternoon. He commented on how the tree colors were much more vivid with his sunglasses on. I asked him if I could try his sunglasses out to see since I couldn't locate mine.

"Yes, the colors of the trees have much more depth with these on," I replied.

We enjoyed a pleasant walk along the Sound. We are housesitting in a lovely house here.

It seems rather ridiculous that there could be anything 'bad' about today. And perhaps bad isn't even the right word because I know there could be worse...much, much worse.

So my first class at the college went just fine, but my second class only had about 15 out of 30 students in it and two of my volunteers were gone. The students were tired and some complained of pain (I have a number of students on disability in my ESL class). The overall mood was kind of low, but I made the best of it and it turned out okay. With the smaller class size, I had a chance to actually talk to the students, not just TEACH them.

On the way home, a creeping feeling came back. It was the same strangeness I felt on my way to work. I walked in the door and said to my husband, who was sitting on the sofa in the other room, "Today was a strange day. Several of my students felt a lot of pain."

He said, "I feel pain too." We were not in the same room. I was putting things away in the kitchen and just sort of stopped what I was doing.

I went to the living room and sat in silence and he gave me the story. He has to move out of his yoga studio by Monday. The business he put all of his heart and soul into will no longer be, at least not where it is now. For almost four years, so many students have come to practice there. It's a beautiful studio with so much love, art from the students, peace. So many have contributed to this amazing space and it's not easy to let it go. I know many will be saddened by Yoon no longer being there. More than 1,000 students have walked through the doors of his beloved studio. It embodies his peaceful nature. He put everything into it.

But it was not enough. The rent and fees for running the space near Seattle were just too high. So he's going to move everything out on Saturday and move the business to our house.

I should feel compassion and love and offer sympathy and say, "Everything will be fine," but that's not what I offered this evening. I worried about having space. Space to write, space to be, my own space. I guess I worried what would happen to our lives by moving the business back home. There would be people coming in and out for classes in our tiny home. We have to clear out the furniture, keep the bathroom clean and the space spotless. What about our own private time together? Would it become non-existent?

But what are the alternatives?

I shared my feelings with my husband, but the timing was not right. He's still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he has to move out by Monday. It was too much for him to think about and now he's out somewhere roaming the streets.

I know there's a silver lining to every bad day. I know it.

I feel a lot of change is in the air. I feel up in the air. I don't know what direction I need to take on anything. I want to breakthrough this sort of inertia I've been feeling lately. I wrote this post because I have to be honest.

I don't think I know what to do anymore. Life is confusing and sometimes it feels like the same thing over and over again with different spices or scenarios to make it look different, but it's all really the same.

People have bad days, some have good. People have newborns and some people die. Some people get sick and some run marathons, some people break up and some come together. It's the ebb and flow of life. I'm hanging on though and fearing any change for some reason. But perhaps change is inevitable.

I know I will welcome it. It's the only way to grow.......

What do you do when you don't know what to do or are having a bad day?

365 Inspirations—260: You Have Options

"We must dare to think 'unthinkable' thoughts. We must learn to explore all the options and possibilities that confront us in a complex and rapidly changing world."—J.William Fulbright

One of the best lines of our entire trip to Peru came from our guide on the Salkantay Trip to Machu Picchu. He always gave us a briefing every morning at breakfast and my favorite thing he said each morning was:

"YOU HAVE OPTIONS!"

And then he'd clue us in on the 'normal' plan and all the other options we had. For example, instead of trekking on a service road with cars whizzing by leaving us in a blanket of dust, we had the option of foregoing this section of the trail by truck, hence saving us from a very unpleasant few hours of walking. We took this option, preferring to trek on pristine trails far from cars.

Whenever I feel like I'm stuck or don't know what to do, this line now comes to my head.

It's so true.

All of us, at some point in our lives, get stuck in our habit patterns and 'normal' ways of thinking. We may feel like there is no way out of a situation. What I've learned, however, is that we all do indeed have options. One option might not be much better than another, but all of us can choose something or some direction in our lives.

Knowing that there are options, even options we can't perceive at this moment in time, provides a sense of freedom.

Right now my husband and I stand at a crossroads. We have to do something different. I won't go into details yet, but I'm not afraid of a detour or a different direction because I know we have options. Instead of using my limited thinking mind, I'm going to leave the space open for those options to come.

Actually, I'm excited about all the options and different directions we might take. New options and directions are always breeding grounds for growth and change.

I can't wait to see what the future holds.

Do you often feel stuck, or do you believe you have options?

365 Inspirations—38: The Unknown (The Art of Uncertainty by Dennis Merritt Jones)

"Those stuck in the no-zone are held there in part by their habit energy and have not a clue of the unforetold opportunities that lie ahead in the mystery of that which is yet to be."—Dennis Merritt Jones

We are creatures of habit and tend to do the same things over and over again. Sometimes we don't even realize it. Why? Because it's safe and comfortable. Nothing wrong with that.

But if we never stretch out of the box of "what we already know," we don't grow.

Moving into the unknown is scary, but I believe even in our comfort zone, we cannot predict what will happen in the next moment, so why not make the unknown our new comfort zone.

I'm reading a book called The Art of Uncertainty: How to Live in the Mystery of Life and Love It  by Dennis Merritt Jones. I've gotten so much from this book. It made me realize that from very early on in our childhood we start to believe certain things about ourselves based on how we grew up and on our surroundings. Often we accept certain things about ourselves based on our history and never challenge these ideas or opinions.

Things like I've always been overweight, I'm not so smart or I'm not good at math are just some examples of beliefs we have about ourselves. Many people accept these labels or ideas about themselves and instead of challenging them, just keep reinforcing that these are true.

The mystery of life says that we can be and do anything we want. Do you believe it?

It takes so much courage to believe this and to step out into the vast, unchartered unknown and to create something new for ourselves.

Merritt takes the "comfort zone" a bit further claiming that much of society lives in what is called "the no-zone".

He says, "Those stuck in the no-zone are held there in part by their habit energy and have not a clue of the unforetold opportunities that lie ahead in the mystery of that which is yet to be."

He continues, "To transcend the no-zone-layer requires being fully awake and connected to life in the moment, thriving each new day, knowing who you are, and knowing that what you do with who you are matters to you and the world."

He also says that to transcend the no-zone requires three things: clarifying your intentions, getting your bearings and taking action.

It's easy to take our lives for granted and just expect everything to be as we expect it to be day after day. Superficially, it appears that we know what is going on. The truth is, things are changing every single second.

Our lives are unknown. This is the truth. Rather than being afraid of this, I'd like to embrace it and make the unknown my new comfort zone. I want to live in the mystery of life and love it just as the book's title reads. Every single day is a blessing and I can't wait to see what is around the corner! I want to try new things and stretch out of my box. How about you?

Are you afraid of the unknown? Do you believe you can do and be anything you want to do and be?

365 Inspirations—Five: Rhododendrons in Winter

“Nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small it takes time - we haven't time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time.” 
― Georgia O'Keeffe

Winter is here. Where I am a from it tends to be cold, rainy and dark. On occasion, we have snow or sun, but it doesn't last very long. We had snow in mid-December that lasted a day or so. Everything was frozen and silent. Nothing seemed to be growing under the blanket of snow. For many animals, it's a time to go into hibernation and wait for spring. Sometimes I feel like doing the same.

A few days ago I went on a walk with my husband. It was very cold outside and I had on my down jacket, gloves, and hat. The trees were bare. Fortunately, the sun was out and that tends to make all the difference in the world in the winter in Seattle.

As we got closer to Puget Sound I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't believe what I was seeing along the side of the road. It's January and a rhododendron bush (our Washington State flower) was fully in bloom. I have only ever seen these flowers bloom in the spring.

I got closer to the bush to examine the flowers. They were a pale pink and were in clusters. What were they doing there? Why were they blooming?

I have no idea, but they made me happy. They made me believe that anything is possible. That even in nature, there are no set rules. Things and people can change.

Just because all the other flowers are blooming in the spring doesn't mean that this bush has to do the same. Why not show it's true colors at a time when there are no colors to be found? Why not do something different?

We could use a little color this time of year and I was inspired by this little rhododendron bush. I hope that I can also be an inspiration to people in times when life may seem cold and dark. I hope that I can also show vibrant colors when there are none to be found.