31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 12: Harness Your Thoughts with a Mantra of Gratitude

It might just be another one of those internet myths, but I’ve read that our minds are busy with an average of 70,000 thoughts in the course of each day. Even if it’s only 1,000 thoughts, the idea made me wonder what thoughts were occupying my mental real estate.

Most of the thoughts I’m aware of entertaining are above reproach—substantial, even:

• Will the law of gravity and the laws governing quantum particles ever be united in a single theory of the universe? (Laypeople’s astrophysics is a hobby of mine.)

• Remember to use effective inflection on these particular words in this afternoon’s speech—and allow an extra 10 minutes commuting time.

• I’ll take my mother-in-law thrift store shopping Thursday.

But, then there are the myriad inconsequential (okay, trifling) thoughts that overtake my mind:

• Is that white spot on the living room rug an innocent clump of lint or a soon-to-be-smelly cream cheese stain?

• How would I look with a silver streak in my hair?

• I bet pork is really a red meat, despite that clever “other white meat” marketing slogan.

• And so on.

Mulling over the muddle in my mind propelled me to search for a mantra I could repeat to slow down racing thoughts, although I wasn’t sure to what purpose. Why shouldn’t my mind fly all over the place whenever I’m not using it to focus on a critical task?

Well, a racing mind didn’t feel very good, that’s why. Something told me I’d be happier, saner, and maybe even smarter, if I applied the brakes to my thoughts. So, I adopted a one-word mantra that I repeated intermittently, mostly when I was meditating. It was so boring I don’t even remember what it was and it didn’t seem to quiet my mind.

However, an essay I’d read by the late spiritual writer Mary L. Kupferle had stuck in my mind for years. Kupferle suggested that no matter what’s going on, no matter whether things are going the way we want or not, we should repeat “Thank you.” Just that. “Thank you.” She promised that unexpected blessings would accrue to anyone who just said, “thank you” throughout the day.

Well, I’ve been using this mantra. And you know what? It works. Oh, does it work! It not only quiets my mind, making room for contemplative and productive thought; it’s also a statement of gratitude. And gratitude attracts blessings like a magnet.

This has been my secret. Even my non-judgmental husband doesn’t know I do this all day long—any time, anywhere. On nature walks, while driving, making the bed, writing my memoir, working out on the treadmill, I think: Thank you, thank you, thank you. (It’s got a nice walking rhythm to it.)

I don’t direct the words at anyone or anything. I just think them. I think them as I’m falling asleep, and especially on those rare occasions I’m having trouble falling asleep. They’re floating through my mind right now.

They’ve brought me a husband and in-laws I still appreciate and adore after 25 years. Potentially fraught situations have gone more smoothly than I had any right to expect, whether finding a parking space when I’m in a hurry; getting the new fridge and furniture through our narrow apartment doors two days before hosting a house party; receiving positive news about my relatives’ or my own health.

And this mantra has brought me unexpected honors. Who would have expected Katherine Jenkins, the author of Lessons from the Monk I Married, and publisher of her unique and valuable blog that I’ve long admired, to invite me to share my secret gratitude mantra with you?

For all these things I say, “thank you, thank you, thank you.” I urge you to try it.

Lynette Benton is the author of Polish and Publish, and a writing instructor and coach. Her memoir-in-progress is titled, My Mother’s Money. Contact her at Relief11@comcast.net.

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 11: Life Stories Can Be Changed

I was recently asked by a woman who works with people’s money histories what the two most influential experiences were that affected me the most while growing up regarding ‘money’.

Several instances came to mind, but the one that stuck out the most was my memory of the chocolate bunny. I’d told my husband this story several times over the years. It was time to tell this story again and so I related to her the story that had affected my life view in such a profound way. I had carried this story with me since childhood.

I was in Grade One or Two. Seven miles from our farm was the Co-op store and the small school I attended (3 grades in one room with one teacher) was across the road from it. Nothing but grain fields surrounded the store. This was a small country store where the local farm folk would come for groceries, household items and gasoline. Easter was coming and one day I saw in the store high on the shelf a large chocolate bunny wrapped in beautiful colored foil; pastel pinks, blues, greens and gold. I wanted this bunny and had been learning in school about numbers and money. I knew if I saved I could have this bunny and I was proud that I could calculate and save to buy it. It was a big undertaking and I told my older sister about my plan. I told her I had saved 13 cents plus 9 cents to make the total. I remember the price was $1.39. She questioned me on my math, but I was certain of the price and, since she hadn’t seen the bunny or the price, gave in to my calculations. I asked if she would go with me that week to the store so I could purchase the bunny.

Today was the day. We headed out at lunch time across the country gravel road to the store. It was cold and windy – as early Spring on the prairies can be. The store was quiet thankfully, and my sister said she’d wait in the candy area at the front. Down the aisle I went for the precious bunny that awaited me. No one had bought it! I gently took the bunny from the shelf, walked to the front and placed it on the counter. I took my carefully counted money and laid it on the counter. The nice young man behind the counter counted the coins and said to me in a kind voice, “Oh, I don’t think you have enough”. I froze. “How could this be?“ I said to myself in disbelief. I was embarrassed and humiliated to my very core. I quietly left the store without the chocolate bunny. How could I make such a mistake? I had been so certain! For shame! And shame it was. My belief at that moment was: “I can’t have what I want. I’m not good with money. You see - this is proof”! And so I created a belief driven by shame and lived out this belief in many ways over the years.

How could I change a belief that had become so much a part of me? My money coach told me that the way to change it was to name it as ‘story’ rather than ‘truth.’ I was to change it from the belief that “I’ll never have what I want,” by relabeling it as ‘story’. For several months when I found myself in thoughts of deprivation, I was to say to myself, “The story I tell myself is ‘I’ll never have what I want’”. After several months it would gradually shift from ‘truth’ to ‘story’. And when it became a story, I could then change it. I couldn’t change the story of a lifetime by simply willing it away. If it were that easy I’d have changed it years ago. It was time to let go of the old story. I was grateful for the insight that I’d be able to change the story; change it to a new and different one – a story that would support the ‘me’ I had deserved all along.

Kathleen O'Grady is a clothing designer who loves beautiful textiles. She received her training in clothing and surface design at Capilano Community College and Vancouver Community College, as well as the University of Washington. Kathleen lived in Greece for a year and then in Japan for two years during the 80’s where she was influenced by indigo-dyed textiles. Her line of clothing - grady bleu® is inspired by the rich history and tradition of indigo blue. Indigo blue is a natural dye that dates back centuries. In recent years, she has traveled in Southeast Asia, India and Africa seeking out naturally dyed textiles. Fabrics dyed with indigo are an important element of her line. You can find her at gradybleu.com.

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 10: Free Yourself by Releasing Blame

From time to time we might find ourselves blaming circumstance, people, even inanimate objects for our various misfortunes. Bursts of impatience and annoyance when things aren’t “going right” erupt like mini thunderstorms that thrash away and then pass quickly. Just like getting caught in one of those rainstorms, we're drenched and rather miserable afterwards. Then we might wonder why we release the lightning bolts that trigger unhappiness in ourselves and those around us in the first pace?

It’s the rather ridiculous behavior that we all know. What’s the first thing most of us do when we trip on an uneven sidewalk? Look back at the sidewalk, right? It’s so ingrained, so automatic--a flash of anger at the cupboard door when we bump our head. Sound familiar?

Why do mishaps have to be someone’s fault? What if we used the practice of equanimity and open awareness and just experienced what was going on before jumping to blame? The absurdity of flashing anger at the table on which we just banged our shin would be clear. We would be kinder to ourselves through not allowing annoyance to arise within. The table certainly doesn’t care one way or the other, it’s our decision whether to feel turmoil or calm while dealing with the pain.

It’s so easy to start blaming when it’s another person involved instead of a table. Sure, people do things all the time that most of us would agree are annoying and even hurtful. But jumping to that place of blame, of judging and looking at the supposed cause of discomfort, physical or emotional, does nothing for us except add to our suffering and unhappiness. There might be an appropriate time later to assess a situation, a relationship, calmly viewing what has transpired, but I’ve found that releasing blame is a freeing practice. Blame is often nonsense anyway and it fuels the side of myself that is not the person I want to be. Releasing blame feels fresh, as if unburdened from some bitterness. Letting someone off the hook rather than letting the sour feelings of blame stew inside is truly a gift to self.

Susanna Weiss is the Executive Director of the Community Meditation Center. She has practiced meditation since 2000, studying with Stephen Batchelor, Thich Nhat Hanh, Allan Lokos, Andrew Olendzki, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, and Sharon Salzberg. An ordained Interfaith minister, Susanna performs many wedding ceremonies throughout the year. She studied at The New Seminary and is a graduate of One Spirit Interfaith Seminary. A former dancer, Susanna designs individualized physical programs for clients. She and her staff specialize in working with issues that need a creative approach.

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 9: Honor Your Motherline

Kristen is a kindred spirit who blogs over at the spirit that moves me. Here she is to talk about the lessons we can learn from our "motherline":

“Finding our female roots, reclaiming our feminine souls, requires paying attention to our real mothers’ lives and experience; listening to our mothers’ stories, and our grandmothers’ stories, is the beginning of understanding our own. When we hear these stories, we tap into the wisdom of our Motherline.” – Naomi Ruth Lowinsky

I never grow tired of the familiar words spoken to me repeatedly by my mother from the time I was a little girl:

“You are special. You are one of a kind. Never forget who you are.”

When I heard them again just the other day, they warmed me from the inside out. Mom has always been proud of these qualities in me – almost as though I am fulfilling something that has long been inside of her.

Like every year at this time, I made my way home to the East Coast for the holidays. Trips home are laden with meaning, emotion, nostalgia and memories. But alongside the comfort of home is the reality of the passing of time. Particularly poignant is the change I see in my mother, which is something I face over and over each time I return.

This woman who birthed me, raised me, and loved me with all she had, continues to age while I am away. The change is visible in the lines on her face, the limp in her walk, the fact that her memory isn’t quite what it used to be. Whether I like it or not, she is growing older. Now, more than ever, there is an urgency to connect to my mother’s stories while I still can.

In recent months, I’m realizing that my mother’s life and the women of her ancestral line are an important source of my own feminine wisdom and truth. Their bodies the vessel, carrying within them pieces from their history, passed on to next generation – to me, and maybe one day, to a daughter of my own.

Unearthing the experiences of my Motherline is something I took on as a holiday project a few weeks back. I am now in the process of interviewing my mother and her remaining sisters. I am also digging up eulogies, obituaries, and old family photos.

As my Mom and I pour over old photographs of my grandmother, great-grandmother and great-great-grandmother, long-forgotten stories have begun to emerge, as well as some familiar themes.

Having a free-spirited nature is something that many of the women in my family have shared – a quality that both brought them to life, and became a source of struggle within the confines of traditional female roles. As a result, some of the women in my family never married, some had unexpressed passions for art, some had unfulfilled career dreams, or longed to travel the world but instead remained home to take care of their families.

Although I had the freedom to make different choices in relation to many of these things, I identify with their struggle – to nurture my independent spirit without guilt, to focus on my career or my art, to be either an independent woman or a mother, to choose one role over another – or if it’s possible to really choose as many of these roles that call to me without guilt, self-doubt, or regret.

Piecing together my ancestral past is helping me find answers to questions that have long resided within me. As I unlock the stories that have always been part of my history, I’m realizing that the experiences and wisdom of the women in my family can continue for any generation who is willing to listen. These experiences bring us together, and help us to realize we are never alone.

“My greatest pride is my four children. My greatest regret was never following my calling as an artist.”

My mother’s words strike a chord in me, and even though our lives seem worlds apart, we share a common struggle – to make real and honour the artist within.

Kristen is a writer, adventurer, and life-long learner, continually discovering new ways of understanding and being in the world around her. Her blog, the spirit that moves me, tracks her journey of discovering the sacred through her favourite passions in life – art, dreams, meditation, the sacred feminine, and everything in between. She is the proud aunt of many nieces and nephews and lives in Toronto, Canada with her husband.

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 8: Everyone is Fighting a Hard Battle (Be Kind!)

Okay, this is a special story. Kate was one of my first blog followers, way back when. I didn't know much about her, but she would always leave lovely comments here. Somehow I intuitively felt that we would meet someday. I love her blog (Sunflower Existence) and realized right away that this person is highly creative. A budding actress in NYC, she landed the part of Dorothy in the national touring production of The Wizard of Oz. When her tour came to Washington State, she got the monk and I comp tickets to see her! We actually went out to dinner and coffee after the show! She was the first blog friend (besides my friends and family members) I got to meet in 3D! Here she is to share her insights about living in New York City:

When I was 18, I moved from a cozy suburb in Texas to the heart of New York City for college.

I was so excited for the change, anticipating a busy and exhilarating new life. And I got that. The subway system, the crowds, the constant noise and glow… and I was truly glad to be a “city girl,” far away from my little farm town.

There is a common idea among Americans that New Yorkers are rude. I was certain that I could bust this myth. “New Yorkers aren’t rude, they’re probably just busy and smart,” I thought to myself, happily studying the subway map and learning all the local coffee places.

However, I was not anticipating something: loneliness. It was hard to make friends at a campus where most kids could go home to Long Island over the weekend or out drinking at dive bars, so most of my time was spent walking the streets of the financial district by myself and people watching. I began to observe the lack of doors being opened for others, no apologies made when someone bumped another person. I observed subway fights and people yelling at cars and pedestrians. I saw a man on the 7 train get his computer stolen by a kid who looked no older than 14. I saw multiple people crying on the subway. Later, when I got a job at an exotic pet adoption center, I was yelled at almost daily by angry customers demanding I take their pet hamster or refund their used aquarium (I can’t do either.) Needless to say, I was getting bogged down by the city I was so determined to love.

I can’t say there was any epiphany moment for me. What I can say is that I tried my best to keep my head high. I got a job playing Dorothy on the national tour of the Wizard of Oz (I am studying acting) and left the city for a year. In that year away from New York, I came to miss and appreciate it. And slowly I came to realize why everyone believes New Yorkers are rude: they aren’t rude. They just have to live their whole lives publicly.

In a suburb, you can vent all your frustration on your personal time in your car or your house. In New York, we rarely get that kind of privacy, so any emotions that people have are exaggerated by the fact that everyone can see how we are. So, when tourists come and wonder why a New Yorker won’t apologize when they bump into them, it’s not from rudeness: it’s from trying to give you privacy. It’s a unique kind of respect they’re showing, a result of living in a crowd.

Living in New York is hard. Even if you are wealthy, (and most New Yorkers, like myself, are not) you still must deal with the harshness and poverty daily. I am still learning to be more accepting. I get frustrated with the crowds and the expenses just like everyone else, but I am learning to deal with it. And I must keep my head high still, and remember that everyone else is having a hard time too. So we must be forgiving.

I love New York. Of course it’s difficult. But I know that I’m never alone, because everyone else is living the hard life too. So, I suppose the lesson is “be kind, for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle.” Forgive those who seem rude; I’m certain they aren’t trying to be.

And try to come visit New York, too. I promise it’s a wonderful place.

Kate Bristol is a 21 year old native Texan living in New York City. A working actress since the age of 11, she has been a voice actor in many English-dubbed anime cartoons such as Dragonball Z and was last seen as Dorothy in the national touring production of The Wizard of Oz. She graduates from Pace University in the spring of 2012, where she has been a school blogger and writing tutor. Kate hopes to write a really cool dystopian novel one day, though she isn't sure what it's about yet.

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 7: Get Uncomfortable

I found Christopher's popular blog Lessons from the Cockpit on Networked Blogs long ago. His title was so close to mine and I also found that even though our circumstances are different, we tend to blog on similar topics. I find his blog to be full of great lessons and insight and I highly recommend it. Christopher appeared here once before as part of my 365 lessons. He wrote Lesson 121: Find Your Mantra. Here he is again, please welcome Christopher Laney:

Fitness has been part of my life for a long time. I’ve worked out enough to have a little insight into building muscle. One absolute truth is, muscle doesn’t grow unless you apply resistance. And to apply resistance means making that muscle “uncomfortable.”

When I think about this in broader terms, I realize it applies to any accomplishment in life. I can’t think of any goal worth achieving that is performed without effort, or more specifically, without being “uncomfortable” in some manner. Yet, we seem to have become a nation that seeks comfort. We chase it instead of our dreams. We seek the path of least resistance instead of the path to enlightenment.

And it’s making us soft... mentally, physically, and spiritually.

For many of us, our days are filled with numerous activities that get us nowhere. We do them because they make us feel comfortable. They suck us in. Who hasn’t misplaced an hour or two getting lost in the internet or a few television shows? But we don’t seek out these activities because we truly desire them. No, we bury ourselves in them because we are avoiding something. Some may say we are avoiding our dreams, or success, but frankly, what we are really avoiding is the hard work, time, and effort that it takes to be:

-Great

-Fulfilled

-Content

What are you avoiding because you’ve been confusing comfort with happiness?

Do something today that makes you uncomfortable.

Christopher Laney is a writer/pilot/fitness instructor who seeks to wring the most out of life and loves sharing what he’s learned with others. He’s owned and grown two separate multi-million dollar businesses and is an in-demand speaker. Author of the blog, Lessons from the Cockpit: Everyday Wisdom from the Flying Life, Christopher also writes for magazines and recently completed a novel about discovering life’s hidden clues that show us who we are meant to be.

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 6: Embrace the Present Moment

Besides patience, it's also so important to embrace the present moment, whatever it may hold for us. This is easier said than done. Maria Atwood is someone who is practicing this. I discovered Maria on Twitter and was so inspired by her daily statuses of positivity. Every single day, that's what she is putting out in the world. What you put out there is what returns to you. I've never seen a picture of Maria until now, as she has been anoymously posting these statuses of postivetly under the alias Positively Zen, so it's so nice to "see" her and hear her story. Please welcome Maria Atwood:

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Always say "yes" to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to something that already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say "yes" to life. - and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.” -Eckhart Tolle

Let’s face it; life will always have its ups and downs, no matter what. What goes up must come down; you can’t have one without the other. It’s not too much of a challenge to feel happy and calm when things are going well, but what about when they’re not? How do you accept the present moment when it’s filled with challenges?

Last week over the course of 4 days the following happened: My car broke down in the middle of some busy holiday traffic. My husband’s hard drive on his laptop died and he lost a lot of his work. Then on a particularly cold night, we were relaxing with the heater on when all of a sudden we smelled smoke. The motor in our central heating unit had just conked out. Not the greatest week!

I’m not going to lie; those events were frustrating and for a moment I felt like I didn’t want to deal with any of it. However, I pulled my thoughts together and changed my focus. I thought, as frustrating as these things are, I don’t have to let them ruin my day. I had to change my perception of the situation. I chose to view the challenges as lessons which were providing me with another opportunity to work on being present and practice accepting what is.

As a result of our trying week, we rearranged plans, we needed to buy a new hard drive and thankfully, all I needed was a new battery. I have to say that I enjoyed walking to a local restaurant and having something to eat with my husband that night despite having to wait 45 minutes for the auto parts store to test our battery. The 4-mile walk to the store to pick up the new battery was good exercise and the company was enjoyable. We both made the best of what we had to work with at that moment.

Someone who implements embracing the present moment no matter what is my Grandmother. Her life changed dramatically when admitted to the hospital a year ago due to shortness of breath. A few hours after being admitted her heart stopped. When they brought her back she was unable to breathe on her own. Thanks to the use of a ventilator she’s able to breathe now.

My Grandmother went from being incredibly independent to spending 98% of her time in a hospital room - not an easy thing for anyone to deal with and accept. It would be easy for her to feel depressed, especially since she’s been there for a year, and at this time it’s unclear if she’ll ever be able to return home. What touches me is that she still exudes genuine joy. She always has a smile on her face and kind words to say to everyone. My Grandmother knows that she may never leave the hospital, but she still greets each new day with open arms, gratitude and a love of life.

"Once you stop clinging and let things be, you’ll be free, even of birth and death. You’ll transform everything... And you’ll be at peace wherever you are." - Bodhidharma

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past wishing that things were different, avoiding and worrying and not realizing that by doing those things, I was the one missing out. This moment, no matter how you choose to perceive it, is your life. Enjoy it and make the most of it!

Maria Atwood is passionate about positivity, embracing the present moment and the teachings of Buddhism. You can follow her on Twitter @PositivelyZen.

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 5: Patience is the Path to Peace

How fortunate I am to have met Allan early in my book writing process. I had the opportunity to speak to him over the telephone and he was gentle, thoughtful, helpful and patient with me—someone he didn't even know. Even though I've never met Allan in person, I feel like I know him through all the delightful online interactions I've had with him. He seems to embody this patience he writes about. Patience is not one of my better traits, so it is so nice to have Allan's words close by. I was also fortunate to have Allan write a blurb for my new book and to receive an advance copy of his new book Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living, which I am reading slowly and patiently, savoring every moment. It's the perfect gift and it comes out TODAY, so be sure to pick up a copy. I've been so nervous in anticipation of my own book release and it's been wonderful to have a book like this close to me to remind me to take things step by step. You can find out more about Allan at Patiencebook.com. And here he is to share some of his wisdom with you. Please welcome Allan Lokos:

This is a particularly special day for me. It is the publication day of my new book, Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living. I’d like to share a couple of thoughts with you about patience, what Andrew Olendzki, the Senior Scholar at the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies calls, “perhaps the most overlooked of all spiritual qualities.”

Whether or not you have a particular spiritual practice, you deserve the joy and ease of peaceful living. Whatever your chosen path, it will be challenged by the constantly rising and receding tides of human experience; the vicissitudes, disruptions, and anomalies that are woven into the fabric of life along with its joys, beauty, and delights. That is just the way things are.

We need to integrate our developing insights into our everyday activities. There are practices that can specifically support the assimilation of patience into our relationships and daily endeavors. Generosity, for instance, is viewed as having a direct correlation to patience because it is seen as an antidote to greed and clinging, which cause so much of our suffering.

When aspiring students came to the Buddha he taught them about generosity first before teaching them meditation. Living a moral life begins with a heart open and responsive to the needs of others. We can reframe our approach to generosity from “All right, I know I have to contribute, how little can I get away with giving?” to “Now I have an opportunity to be generous. I want to give as much as I can.” That shift in thinking can be so significant. It is no longer about me and my needs. The heart and mind become spacious and less constricted. You are encouraging a generous spirit within and allowing compassion to flourish more easily. Taking time to consider and respond to the needs of others is a joyful and effective way to develop patience.

One of the “Perfection” practices as taught by the Buddha is “relinquishing,” or “letting go.” It is a multifaceted practice that can be particularly challenging when we apply it to relinquishing opinions that we hold on to adamantly. Your budding practice of patience can be seriously tested when someone is challenging your views. You dig in and hold on no matter what evidence the other person presents. You offer the ancient indefensible position, “I’ve made up my mind, don’t confuse me with facts,” yet, oddly enough, the disagreement continues. When we don’t cling so firmly to our opinions, we can be open to the views of others. It doesn’t mean we will necessarily agree, but we honor the voice, the mind, and the heart of those around us. That is usually appreciated and others might be more willing to listen openly to your views. There’s no guaranteeing it will happen that way, but that is not the point. Your intention is what is important. You cannot control the results, only your actions. You honor yourself by acting with dignity and composure. You are also developing a depth of patience.

Sometimes we have been holding on to anger or bitterness related to a particular person for a very long time. We might think, What he or she did was absolutely unforgivable. Consider the possibility that perhaps nothing is unforgivable. For now, just consider being open to the possibility that maybe there is a way to find forgiveness even for what we have believed for so long to be unforgivable. Explore this mindfully. To forgive does not mean to condone. To forgive does not mean to forget. Sometimes to forget would be unwise, but to forgive is wise. When we offer forgiveness to another we offer freedom to ourselves, freedom from the unpleasant sensations of anger and bitterness.

It will come as no surprise that often the most difficult person to forgive can be oneself. Yet with patience and gentle determination, it can be done. Here is that familiar cycle: it can take a depth of patience to forgive, but forgiveness can help us develop a depth of patience.

ALLAN LOKOS is the founder and guiding teacher of The Community Meditation Center in New York City. He is the author of Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living and Pocket Peace: Effective Practices for Enlightened Living. His writing has appeared in Tricycle magazine (for which he also led a month-long online retreat), The Huffington Post, Beliefnet, Back Stage newspaper, and the anthology, Audacious Creativity. Among the many places he has taught are Columbia University Teachers College, Marymount College, Albert Einstein College of Medicine, The Rubin Museum, New York Insight Meditation Center, The New York Open Center, Tibet House USA, and Insight Meditation Community of Washington. Allan has practiced meditation since the mid-nineties and studied with such renowned teachers as Sharon Salzberg, Thich Nhat Hanh, Joseph Goldstein, Andrew Olendzki, Stephen Batchelor, Larry Rosenberg, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, and Tsoknyi Rinpoche. He has also attended a number of weeklong teachings with His Holiness, The Dalai Lama.

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 4: We Are More Alike Than We Think

How did I connect with Becky? Well that's one of the stories that makes you realize that time and space simply don't exist. If we are meant to connect, WE WILL. Long ago I did a post called Lesson 124: Stress is Caused by You, back when I was writing 365 Lessons in 2010. Becky commented on that post and I'm always interested in the people who comment here. It turns out, she is a practitoner of ISHA yoga and Google Alerts let her know, all the way over in India, that someone had posted a video on their blog about ISHA. We started chatting and the rest is history. Becky also wrote a guest post on this blog as part of my 365 lessons called Lesson 127: We are All Connected (But Who am I?). She has spent a great deal of time in India where she got married to a native of that country. Who is better to speak on our commonalities than someone who has lived abroad and had this direct experience? Here she is to share her insights. Please welcome Becky Band Jain:



Most of us know the familiar tale that we came out of Africa, but do we really understand what this means? This means that all of our so-called differences are superficial, and we are more alike than not. I recently watched the above National Geographic show on The Human Family Tree, and was amused to see it was based in my diverse neighborhood of New York: Astoria. I moved here after spending nearly five years in India, where my husband is from. The show traces the common ancestry of those participating in the genetic experiment, and explains the different migration patterns of groups as they left Africa.

Throughout my own life journey I have had plenty of migrations and have spent lots of time exploring questions of culture and belonging. I am constantly struck by the irony that despite being surrounded by crowds, it's very easy to drown in a sense of separation. Without knowing many people in a new place, I have searched for a community in which I can belong.

On the surface, we are all unique. Yet rather than cherish our individuality, we constantly strive to fit in to our perception of what is socially desirable. We need the validation of others. Rarely do we relish our innate qualities.

Dig a little deeper though, and there is not too much that distinguishes us from each other. From the cellular or genetic level, to the more metaphysical level of thoughts and emotions, we are all humans.

Why is this so hard to see sometimes?

We are all equally capable of recognizing the humanity in others, and of showing them empathy and compassion. So what is holding us back? Why can we not become more evolved beings?

Seeing the progression of human migrations in the video, I was reminded how humans have evolved as integral parts of a larger group and as inseparable from the environment. Now, however, we find ourselves removed from the whole in many ways and living lives devoid of meaning and purpose.

Thanks to a tweet I came across about the idea of information overload, i.e. "data smog" leading to depression, I found a book called Spontaneous Happiness by Dr Weil, and was struck by his main idea that modern lifestyles are the leading cause of depression. It may not be his unique idea, nor anything new, but it helps to remind ourselves how foreign our lives are to the way we have evolved over thousands of years.

He says, "Our lives in the developed world have largely gone from hard and generally content to easy and often depressed."

Humans have been using tools for many millenia, and they have no doubt allowed us to advance to our current level of comfortable lifestyles. Yet if we are already experiencing a lack, of community, contentment or otherwise, we need to be careful. If we rely solely on technology to fill the gaps in our life, it may only end up widening them.

We need to continue to connect with one another, finding a balance between online and offline realms. But we also need to cultivate a desire to keep evolving as an entire species, solving our common problems in the spirit of collaboration, and not leaving out those without access to new tools whose traditional wisdom should also be preserved. Above all, we need to develop an all-encompassing sense of self, one which transcends the superficial distinctions we have created.

Becky Band Jain is a nonprofit communications specialist and blogs at www.BeckyBlab.com on everything from technology to psychology and culture. She spent the last five years living in India and she’s now based in New York. She’s a dedicated yoga and meditation practitioner and is passionate about the possibilities of new technologies to facilitate social change. Connect with her on Twitter at @bexband.

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 3: There Is Power In Wishing

I am so excited to have Noelle Oxenhandler appear on this blog. Have you read any of her amazing books? On my 40th birthday, my co-worker, who also happens to be Noelle's good friend, gave me The Wishing Year: A House, A Man, My Soul. I absolutely loved this book and completely believe in the power of wishing and setting intentions. You best buy that one soon because the book starts at the beginning of a new year and I think that's the best time to read it! It may even help you to form your own life wishes!

And now, please welcome Noelle Oxenhandler:

At a major turning-point in my life, I decided to launch a year’s experiment in making three wishes come true: the wish for a house, the wish for a new love, and the wish for spiritual healing. A skeptic by nature, I did not find the process easy. But I persisted--and in doing so, I learned so much! As, one by one, my wishes really did come true, I had to acknowledge that there is indeed a very real power in wishing. And sometimes this power is scary….

When we make a wish, we open ourselves to the unknown. This is why many people are afraid to wish: they’d rather stay with the safe predictability of the known, however confining, than take the risk of actively wishing for something new. They’d rather complain about things as they are than usher in a different reality. A committed act of wishing always brings about a change—and that’s unsettling. But it’s also exciting and it is truly creative. Something always happens when we actually dare to articulate a wish and set about working to make it come true. That “something” may turn out to be different from what we imagined--but it always brings some form of valuable information with it, information that might not have come to us in any other way. For instance, one woman I know had been convinced for years that she had made a mistake in becoming a lawyer because she was truly meant to be an artist. When at last she dared to articulate her wish, she gave herself a six month’s leave to enroll in art school. And then she discovered that--lo and behold--she really couldn’t stand the chaos and uncertainty of the artist’s life! Though she was disappointed, she was also liberated from years of clinging to an unrealistic dream. As a wise young friend of mine said, “We don’t always get exactly, literally, the thing we wished for. But then we learn to wish better.” And as the great German poet Goethe wrote, “Destiny grants our wishes—but in its own way, in order to give us something beyond our wishes.” If we didn’t find the courage to launch a wish in the first place, how could we discover this beyond--?

NOELLE OXENHANDLER is the author of three non-fiction books: The Wishing Year: A House, A Man, My Soul; The Eros of Parenthood; and A Grief Out of Season. Her essays have appeared in many national and literary magazines, including: The New Yorker, The New York Times Magazine, VOGUE, “O” The Oprah Magazine, and TRICYCLE. She lives in northern California, where she teaches Creative Writing at Sonoma State University. She can be reached at NoelleOxenhandler.com

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lessons 2: Now Is Always The Best Time For A New Beginning

I've been blog friends with Christa from Christa in New York for some time now. She writes daily blog posts that I find so inspirational. She's also a yoga teacher who is in the process of making her dreams become her full-time life and is not afraid to try NEW things! Here she is to talk about that and about beginnings! Please Welcome Christa Avampato:

Welcome to January – a global celebration of beginning also known as New Year’s Resolutions. A few years ago, I started to make one giant resolution and then publicly write about my progress every day. In 2009, I wrote about my quest for more hope and learned the lesson that the more earnestly we look for hope, the more likely we are to find it. In 2010, I bundled up all of that hope and used it as a down payment to live an extraordinary life. In the process, I found that the best way to live an extraordinary life is to find the extraordinary in very ordinary moments like the warmth of the sun on my face while walking my dog in Central Park. As 2011 approached, I started to panic. I couldn’t think of a resolution that would live up to the previous two.

Friendship to the rescue! In the Fall of 2010, my friend, Amanda, asked me to write a guest post for her blog on the topic of maintaining a Zen feeling while living in New York City. My post turned into a call to action encouraging New Yorkers to relish being beginners and embracing everything that goes along with it – experimenting, innovating, iterating, and yes, that infamous F-word, Failure.

I wondered aloud if more of a collective beginner’s mindset could restore Zen in a city known for its frenetic pace. In that post, I found my mega New Year’s Resolution for 2011 – to become an expert beginner. I’ve dwelled in the land of perfectionism most of my life; I chase mastery in everything I do. 2011 was a chance for me to let it all go.

On January 1, 2011, I began a journey of my own into the world of being a beginner. At first, it was terrifying. Having the courage to live in the mind of a beginner every day was a huge shift for me. However, I committed to it publicly, in writing. There was no turning back so on I went.

I tried my hand at a whole host of new activities and responsibilities – from one-time events like a fiction writing class to life-changing decisions like getting my therapeutic yoga certification and founding a nonprofit, Compass Yoga, dedicated to providing yoga and wellness programming to people with mental and physical health challenges. With a good deal of trepidation, I began to publicly pitch my teaching, writing, and public speaking skills to new clients, partners, agents, and conferences. I learned how to be a confident dog owner, which took a lot more courage, patience, and efforts than I ever imagined it would take. And at the end of the year, I booked my first trip to India and committed to a school for my next level of yoga teacher training.

Through the experiences of 2011, I developed a great love of beginning. I learned to revel in new starts and blank pages, no matter what day of the calendar year they happened. In this way, every day became January 1st for me. We can always begin – exactly where we are. It takes a lot of courage to start, but over time our confidence muscle builds like any other muscle. Practice makes a good beginner and now is the best time to start!

Christa Avampato is a yoga teacher who learns from her students every day, a product developer who loves the possibilities of new technology, and a writer who believes that hope and creativity are the most powerful duo on Earth. She travels with a purpose and regularly practices the high art of people-watching in New York City, where she makes her home with her rescue pup, Phin. Follow her online at http://www.christainnewyork.com and http://www.twitter.com/christanyc to learn about her big 2012 beginning—making the leap to work on Compass Yoga full-time. Learn more about Compass Yoga at http://www.compassyoga.com.

31 Writers, 31 Lessons-Lesson 1: All Of 2012 Is Inside You-Right Now!

I am so excited that Penney Peirce has agreed to participate in this AMAZING event for 2012. I first heard of Penney's work when my husband, the former monk, was lying in bed one night reading the book Frequency: The Power of Personal Vibration by none other than Penney Peirce! He only had wonderful things to say about it and I couldn't put it down when he passed it on to me. I knew from my own experience that the things Penney described about our own personal vibrations were definitely true. On a whim, I sent an e-mail out to Penney and she responded so quickly that I believed our frequencies must have connected! It was meant to be. So here she is to ring in the new year. Her words here are very powerful to me and I absolutely love her poem! Please welcome Penney Peirce:

Here we are at long last! January 2012—the beginning of an infamous year that’s been anticipated, with both hope and dread, for centuries. 2012 has been loaded with so many meanings: it’s a magical year of transformation, a devastating year of catastrophe, the end of time, or the beginning of timelessness. Will we ascend? Will we precipitate annihilation? Will we awaken voluntarily to our true spiritual nature or live on unconsciously until we hit a wall at the dead end of the street? Can one year possibly do all this?

I know from experience that a journey begins with one step and the first steps are symbolic of the rest of the journey. Do we enter 2012 with eyes open, shiny, and softly receptive, or with eyes narrowed and averted, expecting the worst? The attitude we hold, the state we start with this month may well flavor the rest of the year. Do we give our power away to possibly distorted prophecies seen and interpreted by people caught up in various forms of ego? Or do we stay in our own “home frequency”—the ever-reliable, stable vibration of our soul in our body?

I’ve been learning that time truly is changing. It seems like it’s speeding up but really, the past and future are being swallowed by a vastly increasing ball of reality that we call the present moment. What is real about 2012 is what we choose to put our attention on right now. Get ahead of the emergence process, project beyond the surprising, arising edge of the new, and we will experience snags and illusion.

What we need is right here with us. Inside us, actually. 2012 is inside you—your unique experience of 2012—the 2012 your soul desires. 2012 may be a year of heightened consciousness, a turning point, but let me remind us all that any moment, when fully engaged with and merged with, contains the entirety of the collective consciousness, the vastness of the experience of love, and the provision of everything we could ever need. Every single moment, no matter the year.

AHHH, SO.

in this moment in this body in this big big life seen by my wide open eyes

rests a love

so everywhere so fueling so receptive

it can reveal every memory of every moment of every life being lived

all past and future lives are being lived now

in me

in me

this love shivers and shakes and vibrates me like a harpstring

can't stop the excited hummmmmmmmmm

it's anticipation

it's relief

it's the dream of soaring

becoming real

I can soar and surf the lifewaves, cascading

into pastel spring buds and blooms, smell of tender greens hardening in new sun, golden summer grain ripening, hot dusty dirtscent wafting slowly slowly slowly up, scream of rebel reds of autumn, wind off the sea clearing stagnancy, compacting, mildewed leaves transforming, fungus mushrooming, crunch of crusty snow, plop of one wet snowflake melting on my eyelid!

here is freedom

given without conditions

here is permission

for the ecstatic wild ride and the invention of Frankenstein and mermaids and hummingbirds and thunderheads and jellyfish and Irish wolfhounds and fingerprints and electrons and geraniums and silk and heart-shaped rocks

and time itself

here now inside the swoop, the love again

I come to rest in the love again and remember to know it

it absorbs my adventure with an appreciative nod

I forget myself and pool like puddling silly putty

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,

so!

Penney Peirce is an articulate and accurate clairvoyant empath, visionary, author, and a popular lecturer. She is the author of 5 books, including Frequency: The Power of Personal Vibration and The Intuitive Way: The Definitive Guide to Increasing Your Awareness. Penney is a trainer specializing in intuition development, inner energy dynamics, and expanded perception, working throughout the US, Japan, South Africa, and Europe since 1977. She coaches business executives, psychologists, scientists, and those on a spiritual path about the hidden dynamics of what makes for true success. She lives near San Francisco. Find Penney at penneypeirce.com.

poem and blogpiece copyright by Penney Peirce 2012

Week 28-Lesson 28: Don't Stop Believing

Reviewing where you have come from helps you see again where you are going. I've been writing lessons for 28 straight weeks! Last year I wrote 365 lessons, one for every single day in 2010! And last year on this day I celebrated two things: My 200th post for the year and a book deal! It's helpful to have 365 posts to remind myself of how far I've come and how much there is to be thankful for. I can't believe it was a year ago today that I found out my book would be published. Time flies! Here's my 200th post for 2010. It's a repeat, but it's a good lesson to remember when you feel like giving up or you're starting to lose belief in things:

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going anywhere....Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling........Journey

I couldn't help but quote Journey here. 200 days of blogging; it's been a journey for sure! I feel like each step in both this blog and book process were so worth it. It truly was and IS a labor of love. I never stopped believing. I believed right through all the people who told me "It's impossible" or "Very few people get book deals" or "That's a pipe dream" or "You'll probably get rejected" or "Yeah, right, sure you are going to write a book, everyone says that!"

If you are afraid of being rejected or failing, you'll never do ANYTHING. If you fall down, get up. If you fall down again, keep getting up. Fall down and get up 1000 times if you have to. Did I tell you that my book was rejected by several publishing houses? Did I let that get me down? Heck no! If anything, it gave me fuel to improve and keep going.

Wasn't it Walt Disney who went bankrupt a number of times before his dream of Disneyland became a reality? Even if it would have been wise to give up, he couldn't. He believed in what he was doing too much.

Believing in what you are doing takes amazing strength. You have to cut through all the naysayers. You have to surround yourself with people who are positive and who cheer you on. Keep those people close to you. The people who say, "Keep going, you can do it, YOU ARE GREAT!" are the people you need around you at all times. Oddly enough, these people may not be your closest friends or family members in the beginning. They may be complete strangers. People you've never even seen before. You have no idea why they are cheering for YOU, someone who they don't even know.

I honestly believe we are all connected. Not just believe, I KNOW. Recently on my Lessons from the Monk I Married Facebook fan page, I wrote, "You can't afford a negative thought. Your life is worth too much." Your life is so important. YOU are so important. What you do affects everyone. We don't live on tiny islands in our houses closed off from the rest of the world with our families. Everything we say and do affects everything and everyone around us. If you are distributing anger or other negative emotions around all the time, then you will tune in to more of the same and you are not doing any favors for anyone. In fact, you are polluting the world around you with this negativity.

Being negative is a choice. Harboring negative thoughts is your habit. Negative things don't just happen to you, you draw them to you with your thoughts. Watch your thoughts.

Being positive is also a choice. Harboring positive thoughts is also a habit. Positive things don't just happen to you, you draw them to you with your thoughts. Watch your thoughts.

How you view your life depends on your thoughts. Negativity feeds on more negativity. It's a vicious cycle. All addictions are vicious cycles. To break them you have to have tremendous strength. You have to BELIEVE anything is possible.

What are the messages you tell yourself daily? What do you believe about yourself?

I believed that I could succeed and that my book, Lessons from the Monk I Married, would become a successful book. I just got news today that, yes, IT WILL HAPPEN. My agent negotiated a very nice book deal for me.

Many of you who have followed along on my blog here let me know that you never doubted it. You told me it was just a matter of time. You are the people I want near me. I'm so glad you've been walking along here with me, it's made a TREMENDOUS difference and I seriously don't think I could have done it without you. Your positivity has added to my positivity. What a tremendous force that is when we all pool it together. Just think of all the amazing things we can do! Don't stop believing, there are so many great things in store for YOU!

Week 15-Lesson 15: Let Go of Your Ego

If someone approaches you with boxing gloves, do you take the first punch? If not, do you put up a defense or duck to protect yourself from the blow heading right towards you? If the ego is attacked or threatened, it will always fight back. But you are not the ego, so why do you fight so hard to protect something which only exists in your mind.

Recently, I've felt a lot of challenges concerning the ego. What I've realized is this:

I'm not completely free from the ego because I still use words like "I," "mine," and "me."

But don't we all?

Today I decided to try and loosen my grip on those three little words that cause so many problems. Instead of saying, "I wrote a book about my life," I've decided to try "I wrote a book about a life." What a difference!

It started with a phone call from my editor. It was a good phone call full of great feedback and constructive criticism. Some of this criticism would have been hard to take had I not decided to drop the word "I."

But in the end, I suppose, it was a lost cause because I stood up for my voice. I wanted my voice, which I felt might have been lost a bit in the editing process, to be heard.

It's hard to tell our own stories and not be attached to the story we are telling, especially if it is the story of our lives. Even though I stood up for my voice, I'm learning to see the writing I am doing from different angles and different perspectives. I think this is important and I also think there is validity in much of the criticism we receive if we'd just LISTEN and get beyond this "I."

The irony of it all is that much of the story I am telling in my book is about learning to listen to the "voice" inside of you (and me) and to follow it. I think that this voice inside is very different from the ego. The voice inside knows much more than the ego we try so hard to protect and the images of ourselves that we create in our own minds and the minds of others.

The voice inside of you is very wise. It doesn't care about "how you look" to others. It is not interested in keeping up with appearances. In fact, when you choose to follow your inner voice or inner wisdom, you may feel like your outer world is falling apart. This is because your ego is fighting to survive. It doesn't feel comfortable with the changes going on inside you. It doesn't want to give up or lose its "shininess" or "good standing" on the outside.

But believe me, if you choose to follow that inner voice or inner wisdom and loosen up on the ego or the "I" a bit, you'll find that there's nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain.

Week 14-Lesson 14: You Can't Do Everything

It's Sunday. I have so much to do, I don't even know where to begin. It's 9:34pm and I think I'm about to call it quits in a half hour or so because, well, I can't do everything. This is the reality. I am not super human. I don't have 10 arms. As far as I know, there isn't a clone of me wandering around anywhere who could pick up some of the slack.

I received my copy edits back from my publisher. So much was changed and my editor needs my feedback so that they can get the ball rolling on my book. I worked on them a little, but not as much as hoped too. I'm teaching a new class at the college and it eats up a lot of my time and requires a bit more work. And then there's my lovely blog. Do you know what's funny? I think it was easier to keep up daily posts (I wrote 365 blog posts in 2010). With weekly posts, I tell myself, "I can do that later." Before I know it, later is here and the week is over. It's Sunday. There are no more days left. I didn't have that option when I was posting every day.

So here's my solution:

Do what you can and then give yourself a BREAK!

We are not machines. I need time for myself and I'm sure you do too, so take it easy. Lighten up. I'm writing this post for myself, but if you can also relate, then that's a bonus! It will all get done in due time and if it doesn't, maybe it wasn't that important anyway.

Enjoy your week! Even if you have a lot on your list, may you always find time to stop and nurture yourself. Off I go to read, drink a cup of tea, take a bath and then hit the sack. Until next week!!