Finally Friday Week 7: Retreating from the World

I feel most at home in silence.—Katherine Jenkins

I'm gearing up to head off on a writing retreat. I took a walk and ate lunch with a good friend today, changed the wiper blades on my car, bought groceries and now I'm slowly packing.

I'm heading off on a week-long writing retreat to my family's lake cabin. My goal is to work on my next book without any distractions. No wifi, Facebook, traffic, crowds and the fast pace of city life.

I am looking forward to getting into a slow rhythm again. I look forward to walks, cooking and of course WRITING. My next book has been neglected and put aside in the corner of my office and every time I walk in there it seems to scream for my attention.

Well, it will finally get my attention.

Finally.....

As much as my life is surrounded by people, I am wondering if, in fact, I'm an introvert. I crave long stretches of writing in silence and love to go on meditation retreats where I'm silent for 10 or more days. I feel most at home in silence. I can feel myself there and I'm able to tune into deeper callings within me. Without the silence, I could not navigate my way through this world. I look to nature, dreams and meditations for direction. In fact, I depend on them.

Retreat, according to the dictionary, means:

1. the act of moving back or withdrawing from the world.
2. a secluded place where one can rest or relax

Life seems to move at such a pace these days, especially in the city. It's good to go on a retreat and rejuvenate the body, mind and soul and tune into those inner impulses that are hard to hear with all the commotion that we are faced with on a day to day basis.

Do you ever go on retreats? What is your experience on retreats?

365 Inspirations—364: Nothing Looks Interesting

Here are some pictures of where I am right now. I'm at the California Vipassana Center in North Fork near Yosemite. I was here in 2012 in the summer, so it was SUNNY and hot. It is most likely colder now. Who knows? We may even get a little snow? Anyway, I wrote this post after I had finished my 10-day course and I wrote about how I felt. I want to share that with you here. This is a repost and it has been prescheduled. Going on retreat is a great way to rejuvenate and gain insight into yourself. Please click here about a yoga/writing retreat Yoon and I will be offering at The Yoga Lodge in the New Year and share it with others if you can. Here's my repost:

I was at the Fresno/Yosemite airport on Sunday. After 10 days out in the "bush" in silence with very little stimulus, the airport was a rude awakening. There were people with backpacks, roller duffles and suitcases, whining children, fast food and kiosks full of things I really don't need. After a long period of no stimulus, suddenly the magazine display seemed to come alive with stars faces, colors, and words. The jewelry case which displayed mostly bling was overwhelming. Gum, newspapers, bottle openers, tacky fridge magnets and t-shirts seemed to enclose me. I found my way towards the exit next to the display of bestselling books. I thumbed through a few of them. "Nothing looks interesting," I said under my breath.

Nothing looks interesting.

"Nothing" looks "interesting".

Somehow nothing had become interesting. Because nothing, besides meditation, responding to calls of nature, walking, sleeping and eating was all I did for an entire 10 days. This might sound boring to those looking for an exotic vacation at say...a beach cottage in Thailand or a mountain chalet in Switzerland. But for me, this was how I chose to spend my precious time off. And not a minute of it was wasted time. From 4:00am, when the first gong sounded to 9pm lights out, we were working. Hard to imagine how meditation could be work. Let me tell you, it's the hardest yet most rewarding work I've ever done.

Maybe you've traveled all over the world. Maybe you've spent time on that exotic beach or at that mountain chalet. And I know, I have fond memories of those places too. But have you ever thought about taking a trip inside? Do you know what's going on in there?

Give yourself 10 days in silent meditation and I guarantee you you'll find out more than you can imagine. And if you are working properly, you'll uncover quite a bit..and not all of what you see you'll want to face, but when you do decide to face what's in there, things start happening. Good things...positive things...

Nothing looked interesting because I was full. Not full in the sense of "I ate too much" but full in the sense of "I have all I need." I felt light and clear and happy. This happiness wasn't about who I was with or where I was or what I was doing. It was a happiness or a very deep contentment with what was. It came from the inside out. Even the kiosk screaming with "things to buy" had its place. I felt like a scientist observing my new surroundings. Like every moment called for my undivided attention and thorough examination.

During the course, it was hot and dry. As not to make contact with my fellow meditators, my gaze was usually downward. While at the meditation center, we are meant to keep to ourselves. The point is to go inward. We are meant to be working alone, in silence.

Still, I couldn't help but notice the beauty around me. The California wild flowers became my friends. They greeted me every morning on my walk around the pond.

On the last day, we had an opportunity to view a new pagoda building.

This building housed dozens of tiny meditation cells. During the course, we meditated in the hall, but these cells would provide further privacy for the meditator. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to sit in the pagoda when it is finished.

On the last day, we come out of silence and have an opportunity to speak to one another. This is always an interesting experience. After having spent most of our time in silence with our gaze cast downward, we were now communicating and getting to know one another on the very last day.

The course had produced "shiny, happy people"...people full of gratitude and full of gentleness. The smiles were contagious.

Svetlana, didn't even hesitate when I asked for a ride to the airport. She said, "Certainly!" She also planned to volunteer and clean the kitchen before our departure. Everyone who works at the center is a volunteer. There are no fees for these courses, they run on donations and the hard work of volunteers who have all completed at least one course.

I cleaned my cabin and had a chat with my cabin mates, and then Svetlana and I went out for a little brunch before my flight. It was our reintegration into the world. We had a nice chat.

It was a very productive course for me and I received a lot of clarity. As I type this I feel so much gratitude that I have had this practice of meditation in my life for almost 15 years. But most of all, I was grateful for the opportunity to do "nothing" and to realize that stepping away from "doing something" all the time was what I needed. It's easy to get caught up in what we are doing as if the world revolves around what we "do." Sometimes more productivity and clarity can come from stepping away and stopping. What I found is that the world is not going to stop if you decide to and when you come back you'll realize you haven't missed much.

Have you ever gone on a personal retreat? How did you feel when you returned home?

365 Inspirations—359: Silent Night: Heading off to a 10-Day Meditation Course

Northwest Vipassana Center in WA State

“Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. It isn’t more complicated than that. It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it.”—Sylvia Boorstein

Today I'm leaving the world of mass communication behind. I'm heading off to CA at 11:00AM for a 10-day silent Vipassana meditation course.

I've written many posts about Vipassana and you can find out more about the retreats I participate in here.

I've practiced Vipassana as taught by S.N. Goenka since 1996 and although I've done long, silent meditation courses of 20, 30 and 45 days in the past, theses days I try to maintain a daily meditation practice and do at least one 10-day course a year. Sometimes I'm not always able to do it.

For the past two years, I've only been able to attend three-day courses at the center in Washington State, so this will be my first full course in a long time.

I used to be super ambitious about meditation and then I realized that that sort of defeats the purpose which is to simply be aware no matter where you are or what you are doing.

I used to be on committees, serve on courses a lot and do all that I could do.

Now I realize that my goal is just to feel my breath and be aware anywhere and everywhere. I try to maintain a daily practice too, but it's not always easy.

What I've found is that meditation is happening all the time, all we have to do is drop into it. Meditation courses just help to remind me of what is always there, I just have to make the choice to tune in.

So I'm making that choice.

I'm heading off to 10-days of silence again. No phones, no internet, no writing, no driving, no talking—just me and my breath.

I will let you know how it goes.

Would you ever consider going to a silent meditation course for 10-days?

365 Inspirations—329: An Octopus's Garden

The scariest fish in the garden!

"I'd like to be, under the sea
In an octopus's garden in the shade
He'd let us in, knows where we've been in his octupus's garden, in the shade."—The Beatles

There is really NOT much to do in an octopus's garden except float around and meet other things floating around, like tropical fish, turtles, sea creatures, dolphins and, if you are lucky, an octopus.

Yesterday I drove to the Walgreens photoshop nearby and handed the guy my rinky-dink, disposable camera that I got on sale at an ABC store in Hawaii. The thing was cheap and I expected to get all my photos back black.

I'm so use to digital where you can check right away and delete. I could barely see through the camera lens on this thing and I wasn't sure if it was even taking pictures or if I was self-winding it in the right direction.

I was surprised to see the colorful pictures of fish on the photo CD I picked up. Here are some of my pics from that day:

Looking at them, I remember that day clearly. I was in an octopus's garden, yet I didn't see an octopus.

It's so quiet and peaceful down there. No one is in a hurry and even the little guys that swim fast, do so with such grace and ease. A few of them would come right up to my mask as I did the breast stroke while using my flippered-legs as an engine.

I was gliding around in that garden just as smoothly as the fish. I was becoming one of them. I could hear my own breath in my snorkel. Sometimes I'd try to dive down deeper to the white, yellow and pink coral where hundreds of brightly painted fish swirled in circles around a tasty morsel in the coral, but my snorkel would fill up with water.

I popped up to the human world only to realize, with my head now up above the water, that I had no idea where I was. Where were the others?

"Hey, over here," I heard Yoon shout, waving his hands in the air.

I turned my body and pointed it  in the direction of where they were sitting on the volcano rocks and pushed off with my legs.

I didn't want to come up again. It was so warm and cozy under there. I could have stayed for hours. I would have stayed for hours but my arms and legs were getting tired.

Have you ever been snorkeling? Where did you go?

365 Inspirations—170: Green Juice and an Amber Alert

"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship."—Louisa May Alcott

Well, the adventure has begun. I took off in my car with new wheels this morning and headed for the woods. I'm at my family's lake cabin.

While much of the journey has been smooth and quite calm, there were a few glitches.

Let's start with the smooth and calm:

I sat on the ferry boat and planned my solo retreat out  on paper while staring out at seagulls and Puget Sound.

On ferry boat headed off on an adventure

 It felt good to finally be off. I stopped off at a grocery store on the way and bought enough food supplies to last me for about a week. I bought a lot of veggies and fruits because I had planned to do a bit of juicing at the cabin. When I got to the cabin, I unpacked my stuff and set up my room, meditation and yoga area up in the loft. I then took a walk around the lake.

I wore a raincoat because it had rained earlier, but soon found myself peeling it off. It was warm out! There was a gentle, warm breeze and I kept a moderate pace. I was filled with the heady smell of pine all around me. I felt my feet in my shoes and my breath on my face. I felt my body slow down as I worked my way to the top of the small hills. I noticed how naked everything looked from the other side of the lake ever since a private company came in and took a stretch of trees down on one side. The lake area residents tried to fight it, but they don't own the land on that side. Those trees are the reason people moved out here. Fortunately it's only in one small section.

Whenever my mind would start to wander off on various topics, I'd try and bring it back to my body and senses. I heard an owl in a tree hoo-hooing. I saw two huge puffy clouds overhead that looked like people flying. One was in the exact shape of a mermaid. Hmmm....flying mermaids.

Crunch, crunch, crunch, I felt the gravel beneath my shoes. Now an open stretch of highway walking. Suddenly I thought of my friend George who is walking across America and just about to finish after 4 years of walking. It made me smile to think we may both be walking on open roads.

Now for the Glitches:

While winding my way to the lake, my cell phone went off like a siren. I had no idea what was going on.

I picked it up and a text message read:

 Amber Alert. Blue Ford Focus, Montana Plates. License plate number %$#@!*?.

What the heck? This has never happened before. The siren on my cell phone just kept going off. I looked in my rearview mirror and there was a blue Ford! I turned off the main road and headed down a side street and the Ford followed me for about 5 minutes. I pulled into a driveway and the Ford drove away. As the car passed,  I noticed the car was not a Focus and it had Washington plates.

I got my wits about me and headed back out on the main highway. When I arrived at the cabin, I found nothing about this alert online, so I let it go.

I decided to get my juicer out and make vegetable juice. I threw in half a cucumber, a few heads of broccoli,  a third of a cabbage, half a head of garlic, ginger and celery. This juice was glowing green. It seemed to shout, "Drink me. I'm nutritious!'

I drank two sips and immediately felt a burning sensation and nausea in the pit of my stomach and thought I was going to either vomit or pass out. So much for juicing! I ran to the kitchen and took out a rice cake and slathered it with almond butter. The protein and fat seemed to help with all the raw stuff.

I later drank a half cup more of the green stuff and am feeling okay. I had planned to only juice while I'm here, but read online that some people can't tolerate raw juices very well on their own. I realized that I may not be a juice fast kind of person. I do better with lightly steamed or sauteed veggies and a bit of protein/fat. I seem to be okay with raw fruit juices with a few beets or carrots thrown in, however.

Live and learn is my inspiration today. The green juice taught me that I don't need to go to such extremes to be healthy. I just need to do what is good for my particular body.

The Amber Alert on my phone caught me off guard. Later, after some online research, I discovered that the government is using cell phones to alert people of natural disasters and amber alerts. I found the buttons on my phone and they were set to "on". I have kept these buttons on. At least now I know what this is all about in case it happens again. Now you know about it too!

The adventure continues....

Have you learned anything new today?

365 Lessons-Lesson 48: Meditate

People have been asking me about meditation, so I dug up this old post about when I came out of 45 days of silent Vipassana meditation. I am reposting it here so that all those who are interested can have the same opportunity and reap the same benefits that I am. While these 45 days were truly remarkable days of my life, every day is important and daily practice is the most important. Participating in a meditation course can help you establish your practice of meditation, so I recommend that too.

I'm emerging. I feel like this lotus. My petals are unfolding one by one. If there were an appropriate pop song for this occasion, I think it would be I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross. It's going a bit slow for me my friends. I'm talking again, just fine. I've met three people since I've been home-my husband, my mother and my friend Lena. I find myself wanting to be part of all that I have missed and then wanting to retreat again. I think it's just where I am. For those of you who have just happened upon this blog, you may want to read earlier posts. To catch you up to speed (and the speed is quite slow at the moment), on March 14th, 2009, I returned from a 45-day meditation course at the Vipassana Massachusetts Centre in Shelburne Falls, MA. People have asked, "Did you have a good course?" Well, it's a bit hard to summarize the experience actually, but I feel so much gratitude, peace, happiness, and clarity. It was harder than anything I've ever done, but it was the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

A 45-day course is not something you just jump into. I've been practicing this form of meditation since 1996 when I took my first 10-day course in Nepal with my husband Seong Yoon, who was a Buddhist monk at that time. The 10-day course in Nepal was so hard. I felt so much anger coming out and I wanted to run far away. The moment the course was over, I was on the first bus out of there. I vowed to never take a course again. Later, when I was wandering the streets of Kathmandu with Seong Yoon that day, I realized that something had changed. I felt light and free. There was a deep happiness inside. As soon as I was away from the meditation center, I could clearly see that I had gotten something very positive from the experience. At the Vipassana center in Nepal, I was surprised to learn that there is a center in Washington State. By December, 1996, I was sitting a course in Washington. This is still shocking to me given my state after my first course. What's more surprising is that I've continued taking courses for 13 years and I just completed 45-days of meditation.

The benefits I have received from sitting and serving courses are really indescribable. If you have never tried a course, all I can say is, "try it!" It's very easy to make all kinds of generalizations or have judgments if you've never done it. If you've tried it, you know that it's not easy. Right away you know when you arrive for orientation that this is going to be work. Hard work. For me, it is the most rewarding, beneficial work I've ever done. Already people have asked me, "What did you do for 45-days?" Well, I meditated. Another question was, "How did you spend your days?" I spent approximately 10 hours per day meditating in a 2 by 6 foot meditation cell and two hours meditating in a hall with other meditators. The cells are only for people who have completed at least one 10-day course. If you are attending a course for the first time, you will sit in a meditation hall with other meditators.

Other than talking to the teacher a few times, I was in silence for 43 days. We had two days of speaking at the end to reintegrate. The other times I was either sleeping, eating, walking or taking care of personal matters. The Vipassana Massachusetts Center provided me with a private room and bathroom, a meditation cell, meals and walking trails. Every center is different and what you are offered depends on what is available and how many people attend the course. People came for 45-days to cook. They volunteered to do this because they have received so many benefits from this practice. Forty-five days is a long time to cook and work. There is no charge for the course either. The courses run on donations. People get so much from these courses, that they feel they want to give. If you serve at the center, they call it "selfless service" . Those who have completed at least one 10-day course can serve. You serve, just to serve. You don't expect anything in return.

In the past, I have had an opportunity to serve on courses and live for a year at the center in Washington and serve as the center manager with my husband. It was so wonderful to live and work in an environment where people are meditating. Most people go into a course a little heavy with whatever emotional and physical pain they've been carrying around with them and come out light, happy and shiny! The transformation that I have seen is truly amazing.

If you look at a picture or see someone meditating, it appears that nothing is happening. We live in such an extroverted society. People, especially in Western society, aren't taught to go inside or to experience what is happening inside of us, yet that is where everything originates. Every emotion or action on the physical level starts inside. I don't want to go into details here on the practice of Vipassana. If you are interested, I suggest you go to the website (http://www.dhamma.org/) where you can learn all about it. All I can say is that through this practice, I do not feel as much anger, pain, worry, or irritation as I used to. As I continue to practice Vipassana meditation, I feel more and more content, peaceful, happy, at ease, and free. I am not perfect, so of course negative emotions creep in, but they are not as strong as they used to be. They don't stay for very long.

Right away I am able to notice the people who received positive benefits from this practice. They are shiny! Their eyes are so bright after a course. They make people feel at ease and comfortable. There actions are positive. They really seem to glow like this woman from Serbia!

In my 45-day course, I sat with people from New Zealand, Chile, Japan, Vietnam, India, Israel, Canada, Burma. People from so many different walks of life and religious backgrounds are sitting together. It's amazing. They listen to instructions in their own languages. I've sat with an army general and a rock star (you'll have to ask me personally, if you'd like to know who...^_^). People come and keep coming because they get something. They feel different. This technique of meditation is very practical. Anyone who is not seriously debilitated mentally or physically can practice this. You don't need to change your country, name, religion or background. You will remain as you are, but you will have a technique or tool that can help you in all of life's ups and downs.

You can start with a 10-day course. Look at the website, I am sure there is one near you!

I write this with the sincere wish that everyone can share what I have experienced. May all of you feel peace and happiness. May all of you be free....

My Afternoon with a Tibetan Rinpoche

My husband met a Tibetan Rinpoche in the Seattle Public Library. They are friends. Today, the day after Thanksgiving, he drove 30 minutes to Woodinville to pick him up. In the meantime, I went to the supermarket to buy pears, oranges and fragrant lillies. My husband set up the Buddha in front of the fireplace with the soji screen behind. He also placed three bowls in front of the Buddha where I put the oranges, pears, apples and a small rice dish containing almonds. I cut the stems of the lillies and placed them in a large mason jar half-full of water. I set the flowers on a nearby table. The sun coming through the window was so bright. I couldn't believe it was so sunny. It seemed that I had woken up for the past week to a thick layer of gray clouds which would turn in to rain by afternoon. This morning, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I couldn't help but feel it was because the Rinpoche would be our guest today. I lit a stick of Tibetan incense the Rinpoche had given my husband and waved it all around the house. I was quickly transported to Jokhang Temple in Lhasa. I clearly remember walking into that temple and that exact smell. Dozens of monks, some as young as 10 and as old as 80, sat together on a platform chanting in the temple where candles seemed to be the only light. The children of Tibet were so shiny. Some of them had nothing, but when they smiled I could clearly see they had everything..everything that is important.

The Rinpoche travels throughout Asia and America and gives talks and leads ceremonies. When people donate money to him, he gives it to an orphanage in Tibet which houses 63 children and now has a school. As Seong Yoon and I walked through the woods with him today, he seemed so filled with delight when he talked about that. The Rinpoche will be giving a talk in our house on December 6th. The topic is happiness and compassion. We decided it would be good to invite him into our home to chant. We felt it would help clear the air and provide a good environment for his talk. Here's a video of that beautiful time:

I couldn't video tape for very long because the energy in the room was so strong. My entire body started to feel very light. I felt a sweet energy, like a soft wind, travel through my body. I felt light, uplifted, happy, peaceful, and grateful. I was sitting in this room with two monks. While my husband is no longer a monk, I can't help but feel he is more a monk than ever before. He seems to draw people to him wherever he goes. I'm not surprised that the Rinpoche and my husband are friends. They possess the same light and gentleness.


After the Rinpoche chanted for 30 minutes, we went out for Korean food. It was fun! During lunch, my husband decided to take the Rinpoche on his favorite walk through Llandover woods near our house. We talked about many subjects. The Rinpoche told us of how he had to hike for a month and 9 days through the Himalayas between Tibet and Nepal to escape the Chinese who had taken over Tibet. He could only hike at night when it was dark so he wouldn't be seen. When he arrived in Nepal, he started a new life. His energy is so joyful, like the laughing Buddha in my garden, I was not surprised to find that he is sought after for his teachings and chantings in Tibet, Hong Kong, Malaysia and now North America.

I asked him, "How do we know what we have to do in this life?" He was very quiet for a long time. We walked and I could hear a bird and I smelled the pine trees which had been touched by an earlier rain and were now spreading their fragrance into the air around us. I looked down and watched our feet step in unison...a Korean, a Tibetan, An American...I couldn't feel these distinctions. I felt we were just there, like the trees and birds, and there was nothing else to do or know. I think the Rinpoche did finally answer the question, but I found the answer in his silence.