Perfection is in the Eye of the Beholder

Reading outside in the sun today!

"An artist's only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection, and on his own terms, not anyone else's."—J. D. Salinger

I watched a documentary on J.D. Salinger on Amazon Prime, which I get free with my Amazon Prime membership. I've been watching lots of documentaries lately, especially about authors.

J.D. Salinger was a recluse. He lived in his own world and did things his own way. On the outside it might have seemed crazy, but to him perhaps it was perfection.

I had never read The Catcher in the Rye. It was never required reading for me in high school or college, even though I studied literature/writing in college. Suddenly, after seeing this documentary, I had to read it. I immediately ordered myself a copy of The Catcher in the Rye from Amazon.

It was a tiny paperback book with the title in a 50s-looking font. It had an orange cover with a carousel horse on it.

At first, it was hard to read and I couldn't understand for the life of me why this book was a sensation. Every other word in the book was goddam. But then something happened. I let go of my ideas of what this book should be and entered the scene. I went for a ride with this author. I was part of the story.

For the last few days, I could not put the book down. It was a coming of age story of Holden Caulfield. Nothing was going right for him. He got kicked out of school, he got beat up, he didn't fit in, but he could only be and think who he was at that time. He definitely could not pretend to be anyone else. In fact, the entire book was a comment on how people in society, at that time, were just pretending or acting out their parts. The word phony was used dozens of times.

Yesterday I had so much to do, but I didn't do anything I was supposed to do.

I pulled two chairs together and made a makeshift lawn chair. I got myself a drink from the kitchen and I sat in the front yard in the sun for two entire hours reading The Catcher in the Rye. 

I forgot where I was.

I forgot who I was.

I forgot I had things to do.

A good book will do that to you.

Finally, I pulled myself together. I got my wits about me and got to work and taught my classes and it went really well.

But I wouldn't have done it differently. It was perfect. A perfect afternoon in the sun with an excellent book that took me awhile to warm up to.

It made me want to read more and write more. So here I am.

Have you read a book recently that made you feel good, made you think or made you change your mind about something? What was it?

365 Inspirations—209: Keep Writing

"When asked, 'How do you write?'
I invariably answer, 'one word at a time.'”—Stephen King

Today I finished my second book proposal and sent it off to my agent. Phew! That felt good. It was finished weeks ago, but I kept procrastinating and trying to fine tune it and finally I just sent the thing off.

Sometimes you just have to do it. You just have to push that send button and let it go!

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I'm trying to keep in the flow of things and not get caught up in any ONE thing. If things aren't flowing, I let go for a while and come back later.

This blog has been a journey into "flow" for me.

I think our very first thoughts are so important and tend to contain the most energy. If we work our writing too much, it loses its flavor.

I'm a big fan of intuitive or free writing and my best work has come by simply showing up to write and letting the process take me wherever it wants to go.

The idea is to keep writing. It's important to let go of the inner critic that blocks one from the process. Writing is a process. To be a good writer it's important to keep writing and keep showing up.

Do you write everyday or do you have a practice of writing? Does your inner critic get in your way?

365 Inspirations—193: Returning to Peru After Almost 20 Years

Backpacking on the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu

“No matter the deviation, all things come full circle. You begin and end your journey in the same place, but with a different set of eyes."—Jennifer DeLucy

Lots of things are coming full circle for me. I traveled a lot in my early 20s. In fact, I never really stopped traveling. I feel life is a journey and we never really stop moving and experiencing.

My husband is taking a group of yogis to Peru in September. I debated and debated whether or not to go, and now it's sort of happening on it's own. I'm going!

One of my hesitations in returning to Peru was that I was young and dumb and it was not an easy trip for me. I was 24 or so and I was alone backpacking through Peru and Bolivia. I had been teaching English in Mexico and had to decide whether or not I should return home or continue traveling. The thing is, I had very little money to travel. I had just enough for the plane ticket from Mexico to Peru and a few hundred dollars for traveling.

I speak a little Spanish, so I lived off the generosity of locals many times. I just read through my diaries and lots of memories of that time are coming back. I had really bad dysentery and slept in places that were run down. I was sick and I sometimes put myself in dangerous situations.

The other side of the coin was that I experienced amazing beauty and adventure. I let go and let the wind and road be my guide. I traveled across Lake Titicaca all the way to La Paz, Bolivia.  I kept crossing paths with many fellow travelers and locals in the oddest of places and they were like guardian angels to me. They led me to my next destination and I saw things I couldn't believe—Machu Picchu, floating grass islands, Quechua Indians dancing around the lake in colorful clothing, a half dozen condors soaring above Colca Canyon, penguins on Islas Ballestas, mysterious lines in the sand.

A lone llama at Machu Picchu

I know there is a reason I'm returning. It has to do with that book I've been telling you about. Lots of things are coming full circle. I know we will be traveling differently this time. We'll be staying in clean, nice places and traveling with a driver. We will be taking a guided trek to Machu Picchu.

But I have a feeling my view of things will be different. I feel a calling to return. I have purpose in my life now and while I still love to be spontaneous and go with the wind, I'm wiser now about my decisions and my direction. I still live in the mystery of it all, but I see it now in a much bigger picture that becomes clearer everyday.

Did you ever feel called to return to a particular place?

365 Inspirations—146: Just Write

“The only good writing is intuitive writing. It would be a big bore if you knew where it was going. It has to be exciting, instantaneous and it has to be a surprise. Then it all comes blurting out and it’s beautiful."—Ray Bradbury


I'm reading a very good book that I can't put down by my Aussie friend Torre DeRoche called Love with a Chance of Drowning, so I decided to dig this post up from my archives. It was actually post 146 of my 365 Lessons I wrote in 2010. I think it's fitting for today. How I felt about writing in 2010 still holds true today. Here's the post:

 I've heard people say that they only write when inspiration comes to them. In a past post I mentioned that inspiration is always there, but our thoughts and emotions block access to this. Instead of waiting for a big wave of inspiration to fall from the sky, I just write.

I write everyday, to be exact. I write just to write. When I let go of trying to control what will come from writing, things come out that I never expected. I never plan what I will say here.

I think life is like that. A lot of thinking gets in the way of doing. We make plans and try to figure out a time schedule for writing, or exercising, or art, or anything really. I think it's good to make a plan and schedule it into your day. But some of my best writing has come spontaneously at any given hour of the day or night. Sometimes it comes to me at 2am or in the middle of the afternoon. I never know exactly. And sometimes I feel I have nothing to say, but I keep writing, just as I keep living even when life isn't "amazing."

Writing has become me. I don't really know who "I" am, but writing moves through me. I don't consider myself a "great" writer, but I have something to say. I think we can lose the essence of writing when we try to be too crafty or make it good. I let words fall out on the page anyway they want to here on this blog.

There were times, while writing my book, that I wanted to hide certain parts of my life. I found myself only wanting to tell the "good" stories. But life is not like that. To arrive at anything worthwhile, we have to go through the "not so good" times. O.K...the "bad" times. So I let it all out, I didn't hold back.

I had a conflict with that when I was editing my book. I thought, "Do I really want to expose this much of my life?" But what is "my life" anyway? If you read my previous post, you will see that whatever is "mine" is really just part of the ego that wants to survive. There's the fear of what others might think of this "me" or how I might be judged by what I write.

So why share my story at all? Because I feel that there is something universal about the human condition; that we all share a similar set of feelings. We all go through certain experiences and reading about others who have gone through certain struggles, challenges and revelations in life often times shed light on our own experiences.

Everyone's journey is unique, but we are all in this together. If we are all in this together, what do we have to fear or hide? There's nothing in life that hasn't been experienced by one human or another. There isn't a single emotion that hasn't been felt by one human or another.

What do I have to protect, actually. I am a mortal being. I will end like everyone else. There's not a single person who does not experience birth and death, so how different are we really?

So I don't hold back anymore. I let it all out. I let it loose...I let "me" free. Through writing I share my experience of this life. I write how it is. I write the truth. I just write.

Do you spend a lot of time thinking about what you want to write, or do you just write?